Leap ... and the net will appear

This year has been about jumping from "ledges" in faith ... the Universe has unfailingly responded by sprouting me with wings of grace on my way down.

I have finally come to terms with closing the door to a 22-year marriage. We rarely communicate now and I'm okay with that. I took a substantial monetary loss when I left secure, well-paying jobs. Twice. Despite all reasons not to trust again, I allowed myself to fully embrace new romantic relationships. Also twice ... I've come to accept that living alone need not be painful or scary. I've accepted that my son is a grown man with his own destiny of which I have no control other than to do what is within reach and to change my mindset about it ... I've discovered that our bodies react to our mind, and my mind is an eternal springtime ...

Being a free agent, I am free to be myself without apology ... and aspire to return to a state of innocence ... seeing everything and everyone through eyes of compassion.

Cheers to my soul mate sisters who have been such a blessing to me. ☺ I love you as I love life!  I dedicate this Youtube video, This One's for the Girls, to  you. 

May the new year be a juicy one, where fellow beings freely extend love, where green lights dominate and where song, poetry and wonderful art kiss the lips of all who are thirsty for it.

♥

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." ~Anais Nin

Today, I reached homeostasis (Homeostasis: Noun - Psychology : a state of psychological equilibrium obtained when tension or a drive has been reduced or eliminated) ... and I so wish I knew how to achieve this state at will.  But if it's due to the current planetary alignment, or reaching the targeted sugar consumption, or achieving an ample amount of unplanned orgasms, then I'll strive for something more simple ...

Just got done watching "Black Swan" starring Natalie Portman. I could so relate to the dual personality dilemmas she had.

In preparation for my goals for the upcoming year, I’m getting used to the idea of bringing my camera with me wherever I go again ... it’ll be like an extension of me, an appendage.

An even loftier ideal is to promptly process and actually share them. ;P

Today's writing assignment:   Write the Smells of Things That Don't Smell (Much) and then pick your favorite 3 (of which I marked via bold-face and an *):

What is the smell of:

• mystery - homemade stew
• the moon - an ancient scroll *
• sadness - an abandoned building
• child's joy in watching a soap bubble - fresh-baked cookies *
• grief - toxic fumes
• cowardice - bad body odor
• snow - vanilla ice cream
• velcro - new car
• a nasty letter - cat feces
• silver - being inside a car factory
• sand - the beach on a windy day
• a sidewalk in summer - spicy tacos
• the middle of the earth - a newborn
• purple - inside of a spa
• a contented dog napping - an open bag of Doritos * 
• a cloudless spring sky - honeysuckle
• gold - fresh baked bread
• a dollar bill - an old book

So tired ... not really wanting to work out ... but as Arnold would say in that famous accent of his:  "When you exercise you energize," so I better get to it now if I'm going to do it at all tonight ...

My Youtube pick for the day =)



♥

It's time to ... ♫ ♪ ♫

Okay, toning my prior blog post down a notch, with a little zaniness ;P

Today's writing assignment:  Write a story in which these three objects appear :

 (1) can of soda,  (2) down comforter, and (3) a chocolate doughnut

To keep this exercise within reach, I kept my story short as follows:

"On December 29, 2010 at 5:48 pm and 58 seconds, a flea capable of jumping more than 80 times its height, lands on an unsuspecting débutante. At that same moment, in an old rundown house in Tuscany, a haphazardly placed down comforter is pulled from the bed to the floor by an obstinate teacup poodle. Meanwhile, in a well-hidden research laboratory, an unkempt scientist spits out the stale contents of a half-filled can of soda. At the same moment, crumbs from a chocolate doughnut fall unseen from a party napkin and into an elevator shaft, the crumbs of which becomes fodder for nearby ants."

It's time to ... ♫ ♪ ♫

Strong, powerful, beautiful

When I came across this picture, I decided to re-process it because my Chinese Astrological sign is that of a Horse, specifically a Fire Horse ... Plus, I love how it makes me feel looking at it ... with all of their noble heads close together ... and remembering the danger I underwent when I trespassed to capture it =)

"The horse is an archetypal symbol which will always find ways to stir up deep and moving ancestral memories in every human being.” ~ Paul Mellon quotes

"To me, horses and freedom are synonymous." ~Veryl Goodnight

"The horse through all its trials has preserved the sweetness of paradise in its blood." ~Johannes Jensen

“A horse is the projection of peoples' dreams about themselves - strong, powerful, beautiful - and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existence.” ~ Pam Brown

Today's Prompt:   I can't believe that ...

I can't believe that I may be brazen enough to post what I intend to tomorrow ... It will be moderately verbose, to say the least. 

One of my all-time favorite things is to sleep in when I can

Ahhhh ... today, I slept in until 10 a.m., ate chocolate for breakfast, and am now seizing the day :)

ON WRITING:

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." ~ Anais Nin

A do-able writing assignment is to write off of prompts. Sometimes my additions to the prompts will be verbose and sometimes not ... like today, as I have lots to accomplish before I return to work tomorrow.

Today's prompt is: "I want to take 3 months off to ..." visit and spend time knowing my young nephews, each of whom I have still not had the luxury of meeting; visiting with family and friends in general that are scattered throughout the world.

Soon, my writing will have glimpses of more raw material ...

ON ART (which I suppose includes writing):

I love looking at other's art work, and I think what holds me back a lot of the time is I simply don't want to make mediocre copies of another person's genius ...

"My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents.. and I lay them both at his feet." ~ Mahatma Ghandi

INTROSPECTIVE:

Yesterday, especially after watching Little Women (which makes me cry each and every time I watch it) I was gripped by emotions about loved ones ... how I miss them ... how I fall short ...  It felt good to cry; I only wish I didn't do so again while talking to my mom.  I always want to show her the side of me that's balanced ... she sooths me with the same words of comfort I've given her throughout the years.  She did what she could to make me laugh before we got off the phone, and it worked ...  She said she needed someone to take care of and that perhaps she'd make a trip to the dollar store so she could get a doll to pamper ... to brush it's hair, paint it's nails, etc.  I think I got a lot of my quirkiness from her and I wouldn't trade it for a thing.

This artist has such a hauntingly-captivating voice that I love listening to when I feel introspective:

Scenes from the last couple of weeks

(The most recent captures on top)

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are

At last, I'm in a place where I'm eager about everything I do. > crossing my fingers it's long-lived <  ;)

I am honored I have been one among many to witness another year go by. Whew, what a roller coaster ride the last few have been. I’ve joined forces with my Higher Self ... but have also been a Mistress of the Dark-Blue. Heavy emotions and fears cast their distressing shadows all over my person way past their expiration date. I no longer seek to get down on myself about anything. Gentleness, Kindness and Honoring my Spiritual Path will be my way from here forward. As I'm a being who craves love and attention, I will simply look no further than the end of my own fingertips and heart. We're all interconnected and one anyway, so whatever love I extend that spills over will ultimately flow back into me.

Parts of me are impulsive, impatient and easily overwhelmed. I tend to fall short at keeping up with the speed of the entries of my creative, prolific friends ... Still, I shall strive to improve and do my best, despite constantly tripping over myself. I very much appreciate all the love and encouragement that has helped me evolve thus far.

My "all or nothing" mentality is a trippy thing to deal with ... and I tend to over think myself into exhaustion which can be quite counterproductive. Still, when I get myself to remember I create my reality ... my bed of bliss ... my hot mess ... I become empowered.

Despite any perceived setbacks, I will continue to approach life with a sense of daring and adventure... I will taste and sample from the buffet of Source energy... and shall do my best not to get side tracked from my spiritual and creative goals, which have taken a back seat to tangents.

Next year is the perfect time to become fully involved with something. I see no reason why that shouldn’t be persistence.

As I’m easily deterred, it’s important I have a plan ... and then a backup plan, just in case. ;)

Plan A:

Go back to the basics:

• Photography
• Writing

Byproducts of either is simply icing.

Plan B:

Focus energies on staying in contact with far away family and friends.

So if I falter on Plan A, I have Plan B to fall back on. Once I master persistence, I’ll do both. Both are productive. Both serve life and heart.

One of my upcoming tasks is to turn my blog into a book; that way if blogger goes down, I’ll have it in hard copy.

I changed the settings of my blog to hide comments, but for some reason it’s disabled the comment box altogether. So anyone who wishes to share something, simply shoot me an E-mail.

I thrive on watching how ordinary moments are transformed into the extraordinary. It inspires me deeply.

Here's an old entry posted 1/28/08 that I loved reading and wanted to repost:

I thought of something I heard awhile back, which made me pause: What you see in others is what you see in yourself. I take great care in what I choose to see then.

There’s this luminous raw food chef, Katherine, who posted the following which totally moved me. In keeping with what I just wrote, I appreciate the "me" that I see in her :)

   

Here’s stuff she wrote on:

• Hobbies: Creating my own magical life, discovering my own real beauty, attending to my higher self.
• Favorite Places: Within the ever unfolding walls of my happiest heart.
• Favorite Sports: Sighting my own eagle landing.
• Reading Now: Reading my own hand. Lighting my own eyes upon my own written page. Looking into a brave, new future created by my own merry making.
• Listening Now: To my own steady heartbeat. For signs.
• Dislikes: Nothing is worth that much energy. Love is all that counts.

My next post will be mostly wordless, and comprise of pictures taken the last couple of weeks.

♥

A Sunday in December

This morning, I checked to see if the latest Fringe episode was ready for viewing on-line and it's not scheduled to air again until January 21! That’s 4 weeks away! Whatever will I do with myself until then?! I checked my E-mails and aside from spam, nothing worthy of reading. I crawled back into bed and picked up where I left off ... reading from the page held by my new, magnetic bookmark. It is one of Laura’s Christmas gifts to me ... visually alluring, with artful images and soulful quotes. When I got hungry, I tried to make a shake but got frustrated when it tasted like a cup of chemicals ... I’m realizing this month’s shipment must’ve been tainted somehow. My backup breakfast is dark chocolate and coconut water. I remember in my youth how chocolate was like mother's milk to me ... the staple of my sustenance. I cut loose, dancing to Poker Face by Lady Gaga. I will endeavor to make it to a grocery store for lunch.

Fun in burning the candle at both ends

The past weekend was a whirlwind of FUN!

It was easy to burn the candle at both ends, which is what I did from all the excitement.

Saturday, I spent time compiling future projects and bike riding before I prepared for the night-time revelry.

The evening began with lots of Kava, both spilled and ingested.

Our kava high stayed with us throughout the Christmas Party where I got to meet new, kind and funny people.

All the hoopla from the night prior, combined with the anticipation of meeting the rest of the clan kept sleep at bay.

Sunday, I got to meet the third Kilr BBB. =)   At the dog park, we saw a wide range of dogs.

I got to demonstrate just how poorly I can catch, throw and kick a ball ... and I managed to stay away from embarrassing myself further with my batting skills, or rather lack thereof.

I got to do several of my favorite things, including take candid pictures of family interaction, climb trees and go on a picnic.

It felt so easy and natural to be with this shiny family.

Gratitude is the memory of the heart

"When we become more fully aware that our success is due in large measure to the loyalty, helpfulness, and encouragement we have received from others, our desire grows to pass on similar gifts. Gratitude spurs us on to prove ourselves worthy of what others have done for us. The spirit of gratitude is a powerful energizer." — Wilferd A. Peterson

~ Thanks, my very-much-missed Kym!  It was SO fun to read the above excerpt 12 years later (from the booklet you gifted -- remember?)! I still fiercely cherish it ... It makes me giggle and happy to remember some of the stuff you wrote with corresponding pics. ☺ [Click on image to view LARGE] ~

~ Thank you, my Laura for bringing me to and taking me across the bay ... and for being the first to brave the unknown depths of it with our expensive camera gear in hand ... It so made for a memorable and fun birthday!!! ( ... And hopefully, next year I'll have earned my other wing! ☺) ~

~ Thanks Tammy a/k/a Fairy Godmother, for this invaluable book of quotes that you gave me when I most needed it.  I refer to it time and again when I lose my footing ☺ ... This is what I got from it today:  "If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?" ~

~ My whole body smiled when these were delivered ☺!  The unique white roses amid the purples and greens ... the way it pleasantly perfumed my space ... I must say, I felt quite special receiving such a  stunning and personalized bouquet of heaven!  And I loved that you sent it just because. Thanks so much, my beloved Bill ☺!

"Gratitude is the memory of the heart." ~Jean Baptiste Massieu

♥

Resolutions

Yay for Fridays! Despite how I usually react to cooler weather, I find the cold nip invigorating and a good excuse to break out the boots and long sleeves.

I am learning so much about myself these days. And I am learning that good writing lives in ideas with energy ... from emotion and truth ...

My truths are seeping out ... although somewhat liberating... it leaves a bitter aftertaste. Perhaps a byproduct of being a habitual fretter? It takes 21 days to break a habit ... Perhaps something to add to my abounding list of new year’s resolutions.

I have pictures to process from this week and I’d like to also start processing and posting pics from the past that have been sitting in my hard drive beckoning for attention. Another thing to address in the new year. We’ll see ... ;)

Reading about Existentialism ... perhaps an outmoded philosophy, but still interesting ...

Per Wikipedia, The early 19th century philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, posthumously regarded as the father of existentialism, maintained that the individual is solely responsible for giving his or her own life meaning and for living that life passionately and sincerely, in spite of many existential obstacles and distractions including despair, angst, absurdity, alienation, and boredom.

How fun it would be to capture pictures for the Existentialist group ...

For my Beloveds awaiting a responsive E-mail, I promise to get back to you this weekend!