Innocence tempered with wisdom

I look in the mirror and see a grownup version of myself. I’m ambivalent about that, as I’ve always wanted to retain youthful, ignorant innocence. But now, I am approaching a different kind of innocence – one tempered with wisdom.

The recent wave of hard knocks has gotten me off the path of beauty and creativity. I am finding my way back, as that is where life is teeming.

Through my “travels” life has taught me that we are not an island onto ourselves. I’ve never considered others reliable enough to endow my trust or time, but there truly is no other way to live – happily anyway. I must continue living as the Fool (as represented in the tarot deck) -- continuing to trust life and others, despite what past experience has shown.

I have to remind myself that everything we do is an expression of love or a cry for it. That is where our motives lie. I have been exercising my expression of love, as that is certainly more empowering than doing things to obtain it. Love is inherent, and I choose to remember that. The more love I give, the more I get. I’ve played the role of selfish and choose to play another. For me, being selfish is a symptom of fear. Fear that what I have will be taken from me – whether that’s peace of mind, comfort or security. But I choose to remember that my “glass” will always be replenished if I let go and allow it.

This is a very introspective post so far. Will take a break to work and may come back later ...

Proactive

Now that B's sentencing is finally over, there is no excuse not to get serious about a lot of my goals. I have set about some tasks below.

I am down today. I could elect to change my mind and choose to be bright, but I’m under a cloud. Thinking about B, his sentencing, his life -- it’s overwhelming ...

Also, my life feels like a question mark. I don’t know what’s going to become of it with work and such. I guess I just need to take a proactive stand and work on things currently within my reach -- within my control.

These are the physical activities I intend to do per week, assuming my health is not challenged:

Walking 2x
Yoga 2x
T-Tapp 2x

These are the days I intend to incorporate them:

Mondays - T-Tapp
Tuesdays - Walking
Wednesdays - Yoga
Thursdays - T-Tapp
Fridays - Fun
Saturdays - Walking
Sundays - Yoga

Three activities I not only want to do, but need to:

Photographing/processing - I don’t need to think about when I’ll fit this in – it seems to happen on its’ own. I actually need to reduce time spent on pictures until I have a better sense of balance toward the rest of my needs.

Flickring - I will spend a maximum of 30 minutes per day commenting.

Writing - I just got done reading a triology; and I will comb through it now for style. I will spend 5 minutes every morning writing. I will awaken, putter around the house or yard for a few, then begin writing for 5 minutes non-stop. This means I need to awaken at the latest by 7 a.m.

Other stuff:

Housekeeping: I have to come up with a plan as far as housekeeping goes. It has taken the lowest priority and I need to change my mind set about it. I have to figure out how I can see and approach it differently.

Appearance:

I need to allot time toward upkeep like hair and nails. My problem is not wanting to take the time to sit there and interact – not wanting to have to tip, even if I’m unhappy with the service. I need to overcome these petty concerns.

I need to body brush every single night, without fail. There simply is no excuse unless sick.