Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Potential Murder Suspect

Waiting to get back into alignment with feelings of light and fluffy ...

Tissue in hand, lingering cold symptoms and PMS ... I am more in alignment with the heavy and abrasive.

I am amused by all the things PMS is an acronym for, especially No. 13.
  1. Pass My Shotgun
  2. Psychotic Mood Shift
  3. Perpetual Munching Spree
  4. Puffy Mid-Section
  5. People Make me Sick
  6. Provide Me with Sweets
  7. Pardon My Sobbing
  8. Pimples May Surface
  9. Pass My Sweat pants
  10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
  11. Plainly; Men Suck
  12. Pack My Stuff
  13. Potential Murder Suspect

Nutrients:

  • I will cleanse again today to give my body a chance to use that energy to rejuvenate and heal instead of digest. Yesterday, I ate 2 fruit pies, 3 raw organic food bars, an Isagenix shake and cookies.

Photography:

  • Learning about metering (fascinating)

Communication:

  • Yesterday: Refer to PMS above
  • Today: to be determined

Exercise:

  • Still none - allowing body to heal. [Muscles are atrophying ... this displeases me :( ]

Writing:

  • Yesterday - met meditation guru after work, so there was no time.
  • Today - will see what unfolds.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Yes

Yes. I am saying yes to life today.


Writing:

  • I had plans with my girlfriend that fell through, so I used this time to write. I guess I’m on a roll. It felt good to fill this space with something of accomplishment.


I was a good raw-food girl today. I ate:

  • 3 raw fruit pies (2 papaya, 1 mamey)
  • 3 ½ organic raw food bars


Exercise:

Not today


Photography:

Learning about fshutter speed, f-stops and ISO.

    • Changing the shutter speed affects blur.
    • Adjusting the f-stop affects the range of sharpness.
    • The higher the ISO, the more random grain (noise) appears in photos.


Communication:

Lines are open.


I thought of something I heard awhile back, which made me pause: What you see in others is what you see in yourself. I take great care in what I choose to see then.

There’s this luminous raw food chef, Katherine, who posted the following which totally moved me. In keeping with what I just wrote, I appreciate the "me" that I see in her :)

Here’s stuff she wrote on:

  • Hobbies: Creating my own magical life, discovering my own real beauty, attending to my higher self
  • Favorite Places: Within the ever unfolding walls of my happiest heart
  • Favorite Sports: Sighting my own eagle landing
  • Reading Now: Reading my own hand. Lighting my own eyes upon my own written page. Looking into a brave, new future created by my own merry making.
  • Listening Now: To my own steady heartbeat. For signs.
  • Dislikes: Nothing is worth that much energy. Love is all that counts.


> Beaming smile <


Sunday, January 27, 2008

Yellow Brick Road

The fog has cleared, and I can see the yellow brick road ... I am following it, but will it take me where I want to go?

Writing:

Yesterday, I spent the course of my waking hours cleaning --- cold symptoms or not.

I paid dearly for my labors, as I spent most of today laid out in bed. No biggie though. I figure since my inner world affects my outer, I sure as hell better do something about it … It’s amazing how foreign the place feels now that it’s clean and uncluttered -- when it’s orderly. Orderly place = orderly thoughts.

With the chore of cleaning out of the way, I decided to be productive with something else: writing. It’s amazing; all the ways I procrastinate. I rationalize that I must eat first, nap and rest, eat again, finish up laundry, run errands, etc. After exhausting all excuses and having nowhere left to hide, I faced the inevitable: I wrote. This endeavor yielded 674 words. Yay! I wrote material for the book I am co-authoring.

Now about my novel endeavor … Well, I have to be easy on myself, because as far as writing is concerned, I am trying to juggle writing in 2 different formats, for 2 different genres. Plus, I’m still insecure about my ability to write. But I figure with enough interest and effort, each day will yield more and more results. Trial and error will move me forward.

I am reading a lot about writing to hone “the craft.” Although I may not write on those days, I feel this still moves me toward my goals.

Nutrients:

  • Friday, I cleansed.
  • Saturday, I ate all raw food.
  • Today, I ate all raw food, including sashimi and some sushi

Photography:

  • Learned the limitations of the flash on my camera.

Exercise:

  • Friday, rested
  • Saturday, hiked 2 miles
  • Today, rested

Communication:

  • I’m having inner conflicts about my short-term goals and long-term goals.

A Muse I Do Summon

Too focused to wither, to let it all fall,
A muse I do summon, to answer the call.

Imbue me with textures and tasty delights,
Help it flow freely, the wave of insights.

A map I do have, to show me the way,
Resistance too strong, I keep it at bay.

Courage and discipline, I traverse alone,
Help target from whence inspiration doth shone.

The hierarchy of helpers, I do so implore,
Effortless prose, shall now come to the fore.

So shall it be!

~Lita
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Friday, January 25, 2008

Lost

My throat is sore and I feel a general malaise.

I’m feeling emotional and off kilter ... disenchanted.

I feel like I am traveling a distant land, as if I were dropped off somewhere and don’t know how to get back ...

Wow, I sure hope I can shake this before my weekend starts.

I'm breathing and am looking for the positives ...

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Photography bliss

I am so excited! This is what I look forward to photographying in a couple of weeks at Ding Darling National Wildlife Refuge, with a local photography group.

It's a Roseate Spoonbill! :)

If I didn't make the deadline to go with them, then I will go solo. This is certainly a plan in the works.

So What Can We Expect To See?

Ding Darling attracts a wide variety of birds every year, herons, egrets, ibis, white pelicans, roseate spoonbills, plovers, stilts, limpkins, hawks and osprey. They also get the occasional burrowing owl as well.

The refuge also gets it's fair share animals, raccoons, otters, bobcats and alligators. On the bay side you might even catch site of some dolphins playing around.

Don't forget the sunsets.

What Else Is There To Do While We're There?

For one thing, Sanibel Island is well known for it's shelling. There?s also a park concessioner that offers boating trips around the bay and at sunset, also canoeing and kayaking. The beach on Captiva Island at the North end of Sanibel is a great place relax. There's also plenty of great places to eat on and off island too.

Bring your sense of adventure. (Yes!)

I have my writer’s group tonight. I am excited about that too! :)

Today, I:

  • rise with aplomb.
  • am the heroine in my life.
  • take charge of how I choose to think, act and feel.
  • take charge of what I put into and on my body.
  • am at the cusp of creating largeness.

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This is something Sandra Bullock said that I found noteworthy:

"I've learned that success comes in a very prickly package. Whether you choose to accept it or not is up to you. It's what you choose to do with it, the people you choose to surround yourself with. Always choose people that are better than you. Always choose people that challenge you and are smarter than you. Always be the student. Once you find yourself to be the teacher, you've lost it."

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Flow

I am coming to realize that once I try to do something to please another, it comes from a forced, contrived place.

For instance, when I write for the sheer enjoyment of writing (to please myself only), I’m in the flow. The moment I write for a perceived audience the flow decreases, and in some instances backslides.

I have to remember that I am the heroine in my life. Me. All answers and sense of satisfaction comes from within. I hold all the answers and keys to my happiness. External sources do not.

I must remember to look to no other for the answers, for I have them already. I just have to open my eyes.

I have my writer’s group tomorrow, and I have the same 5 measly pages I had last week. Only, they are re-written … yet again. I swear, I have to stop looking at those 5 pages for editing or poor Aurora will never move forward.

As far as meeting today’s goals:

  • I ate mostly raw food, but again I’m deviating with the chips.
  • I wrote a great deal today, but I aspire to spend more time just writing and not editing.
  • Exercise --- well, not today.
  • Photos – I took 1 pic and it’s so purty.
  • Communication – I need to work on better communication with myself …

It is late, for me. I must sleep ... my dog is already snoring ...

Choosing

Life gets in the way. It does. I can choose how I react to it. Joy is inherent, but we can choose to block it.

I am choosing to block it, because I am reacting negatively today. There's no judgment in this. I am consciously choosing this. It sucks, but I'm choosing to experience this, nonetheless. I'm pointing the finger at myself; no one/nothing has the power to make me feel this way unless I give that external source permission to.

My "now moment" is flat, lusterless and constrictive ... even a little destructive ...

My goals appear distant in the backdrop of today.

I am drinking my warm, spice tea and am comforted that hope lies as soon as the next moment, if I allow it ...

----------------------------------------

Later today ...

Look at the silver lining I was gifted with today!

I feel uplifted, blessed and thankful.

Thanks sweetie! Your thoughtfulness means so much.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Rituals

I got carried away reading that I allowed some of my goals to fall by the wayside. However, it was a productive read. Stephen King says that reading is paramount to learning how to write well and that writers should do it often to learn. At first, I thought reading would detract from my writing, but if anything, it inspires me. Plus, I did learn along the way, as he said I would. Most of the time, I was too caught up in the story to pay attention to style and technique, but on those rare times I did remember, I found it to be an excellent training method. Now that I know how the story ends, I will take the time to re-read the novel, paying particular attention to style, technique and method.

My diet has mostly been raw-food based, but I’ve developed an affinity for salty foods. I think it’s because of all the sweet fruits I eat, I’m not sure. If I incorporate more salads to my very narrow menu, it may deter the taste for the salty ... I'll soon see. I can tell that I’m getting toxic. My skin shows it, plus I’m more congested than usual. I need to re-introduce daily dry body brushing into my routine and at a minimum, do a full-day cleanse.

Sunday, I spent an hour doing rehab moves. Last night, I was a couch potato, stuffing my face with banana balls while I finished reading The Devil Inside. It’s an urban fantasy, which is not my preferred genre, but aside from giving me nightmares (literally), it was pretty good.

I knew I should’ve been writing the last couple of days, and it bothered me that I didn’t. Come to think of it, it was more painful not to write than to write ... But I just couldn’t make myself sit there and begin. Maybe if I devised a way to force me to write, like handcuffs that only come off once I produce a full page of coherent sentences. Coherent sentences — that seems a fair and do-able goal. Each book I read on writing says every writer needs a "place" to write and to write there everyday at the same time, and eventually it becomes ritualistic; writing becomes easier. I will add this to my expanding list of goals.

I’m going to choose to say very little about the book I’ve agreed to co-author, as I don’t want to take away from it, and I think by mentioning it here, I might.

As for my novel, well the protagonist, Aurora, is developing ever so slowly. Can’t wait to see how she grows up. :) I got a eureka moment this morning. Naturally, it was while I was driving. Morning drives bring out my muse. Anyway, the eureka I got gave an interesting twist to the plot :)

I’m trying not to feel overwhelmed by all my projects. I’m going to adopt the mentality that I’m lucky to have as many projects as I do – it just means I’m alive and on my path. I’m staying away from the loser mentality of "I can’t." As with everything, it begins with a plan. A structured plan ... and of course discipline.

I need to ritualistically set up a times to:

  • write
  • meditate
  • exercise
  • expand photography knowledge
  • clean (yes, clean. Perhaps I’m being too hard on myself with this one :)
  • dry brush

I was checking out other people’s flickr accounts from some of the nature/butterfly flickr groups I’ve joined. Some of those pictures are jaw dropping. My amazement for what exists in nature, and for what is possible to capture on camera will never cease.

This is from today's Daily Motivator and it especially spoke to me today:

Tuesday, January 22, 2008 -- Get a purpose

If you're not clear about your purpose on this day, random events, distractions and circumstances beyond your control will impose a purpose upon you. You'll end up spending your precious time in the service of things that won't bring any value or fulfillment.

In contrast, when you're solidly connected to a personally meaningful purpose, you're able to focus on making real progress. Though the same problems, frustrations and distractions will come, they will not have the power to overwhelm or consume you.

The more fully you understand why you wish to do something, the more clearly you'll see how to do it. Strong, solid, meaningful reasons will ignite the energy to create worthwhile and lasting achievements.

It is well worth the time and effort necessary to understand why you seek what you seek. When you know why, anything is within your reach.

To get maximum results from your efforts, look beyond the outer concerns of what you're doing. Look at why you've chosen to do it.

Give this day a real, honest purpose that truly means something to you. And you'll build value that continues long after the day is over.

-- Ralph Marston

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Weekends and Goals

I always try to fit in as much as I can on the weekends ... and usually wear myself out. I did today. Fortunately, I was able to indulge in a nice, long nap.

Photography:

  • I took several shots at Greynolds Park, but couldn't catch the elusive turtles (they dunked their heads in the minute they heard me).
  • I loved this part of the park -- one where there was potential to see alligators.
Raw Food path:
  • 2 raw fruit pies (papaya)
  • 2 raw food bars
  • organic raw banana balls
  • Succumbed to a tuna sandwich and chips (Notice I’m deviating into cooked food again).

Exercise:

  • Walked 2 miles
  • Hiked for an hour

Writing:

  • About co-authoring: Still mixed-emotioned
  • About novel: I’m reading more of Stephen King’s book On Writing, and I’m wondering if I’m getting too bogged down with plot development. Need to incorporate more dialogue. Need more materials to feel comfortable with it.
  • Am I taking on too many projects at once?
Self knowledge:
  • Working with my pride … very hard … issue of lifetimes.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Teddy Bear

At lunch, I went to a park called The Enchanted Forest, which is not too far from where I work. Once I got out of my car, I saw a bunch of men at a picnic table and got paranoid. I’m not one to give into paranoia, but I did today (the power of imagination). Since I've eyed this park for years and since I was already there, I didn't allow fear to take the helm. Besides, I rationalized that I was armed with mace.

The park also offers horse and pony rides. Some of the hoofed beauties kept coming up to the fence for attention. But because there was a sign in big red print that read "horses bite" I refrained from touching them. I wanted to so badly, as I knew the ones that approached would’ve been nice.

I walked a meandering path that felt of a lush forest. Unfortunately, the whooshing sounds of passing cars reminded me of the closeness of the concrete jungle.

I sat at a bench close to a lake and hung out with the Ibises and squirrels (a missed photo opportunity which confirms how paramount it is I keep my camera with me). A scary guy kept trying to hit on me. At first I was scared until it became clear he was mentally challenged.

Since the place proved safe, I will go there again for future lunches. I will have mini-picnics. Picnics are one of my all-time favorite things ... Amazing how something so, so simple makes me so, so happy ... I notice that most of the bloggers who love picnics are women. I wonder why that is. Picnics comprise of nature and food, so why gals dig it the most, I wish I knew.

Today’s sunshine nourished me, and made me feel all pink and fluffy. I wish it were sunny now, even though it's deep in the night.

I'm looking at a slideshow of "the most interesting sunsets," and am simply blown away ... I hope to one day snap a sunset shot that's just as inspiring.


I was offered a proposal to co-author a book, and I accepted. At first I was excited, as it would enable me the perfect opportunity to perfect my writing skills and to be positively influenced. However, I'm feeling a stigma associated with it now, as my news wasn't well received.

Communication breakdown today ... trying to fix ... hurt feelings ... need fuzzy slippers and teddy bear ... will it ever heal?

I ate:
  • 2 raw food bars
  • a plate full of watermelon
  • organic banana balls (bananas, medjool dates, walnuts, almonds, raisins, spices)
  • sushi/sashimi
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A bone, appealing and desirous for some,
better blind, deaf, and yes even dumb.

A shell by the sea, buried far below,
taken away, far away, from the oceanic flow.

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Energetic Wherewithal

Today started out promising. I was all gung-ho about the writer’s group meeting tonight. I knew this was the first night I would present my pages for critiquing. I did last minute rewrites and made the appropriate number of copies to pass around.

However, by the time I got home, all motivation was lost. I attribute it to simply feeling spent. I must’ve overdone it with all the activity I did last night, coupled with going to bed late.

I thought about reconsidering and just going to the meeting anyway, but I felt that coming ill-prepared energetically would be an ultimate disservice. It takes a certain level of energy for me to effectively present my story, critique the stories of others, and interact.

I’m so low on energy now that it’s a wonder I even made it this far in my blog. I was gonna’ skip doing it too, but I didn’t want to make today a total wash.

I guess I’ll indulge and allow myself the luxury of vegging out in front of the TV.

Things I've accomplished:

  • Making it to work
  • Effectively doing my work
  • Ate raw food
  • Worked on my novel
  • Effectively communicated with others
  • Fixed pictures I will add to my Flickr account

Things I would’ve preferred went differently:

  • Complete the copies staring at me at work
  • Had the energetic wherewithal to participate in the writer’s group meeting
  • Had the energetic wherewithal to work on other projects, or at least to read
  • Stayed on the strictly raw food plan.

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Crispy, creamy, wholesome and sweet,
This dish of life, a whirlwind treat.

With movers, shakers, some waiting it out,
Join me now if you dare, with nary a doubt.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

In the Hand of Ease

I called in "well" yesterday. What better way to seize the day and live in the now, than making choices that support living in the now? I have days off to take, so I took one! :)

I spent the early part of the morning hiking and taking pictures. While doing a 4-mile hike, I captured a butterfly shot of a butterfly I have yet to identify. It looked rough around the edges, but it was still beautiful. At first I didn’t want to lug my camera around, but I knew I’d regret it should I see something of interest, so I’m glad I did.

Yesterday, I ate:

2 raw organic bars
A banana / coconut water smoothie
1 black sapote
A banana / mango smoothie
2 bananas
walnuts
1 small avocado

I still craved cooked foods ... I was thinking Greek ... but I awoke this morning and only crave fruits. I think I’m over the hump of craving cooked foods. I also think a lot of it had to do with being in a good place mentally. A blanket of peace and ease is resting on me at last.

I am attracting the perfect set of circumstances and people to me now. I am surrounded by love and loving people. A new attraction is this amazing woman who helps with the United Nations and her mission is peace. Peace begins with us individually. I just love her vibrancy and poise. I met with her last night, when we began our exercises. The way I see it, since we are individuals, we are a microcosm of everything else. We have power that begins with us, individually. Our individual progress does make a difference.

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Later this day...

The good news is I cleaned my bathroom, did laundry and worked out for an hour.

The cleaning and laundry part was because … well because aside from gross neglect, it was because the stars were in perfect alignment for it.

The workout part was because the opportunity presented itself … and also because it was my way of paying penance to myself for botching up my stay-away-from processed/cooked foods kick. It was pre-meditated up to a point, and then like a rip in a stocking, it just got bigger. But I’m better now. Really.

It started off to a good start:

1 orange
1 small avocado
1 fruit smoothie
1 bag of wheat chips (small blunder)
Hershey assortment chocolates (big blunder)
1 small bag of Doritos (blunder continues)
1 papaya fruit pie (my fave)
1 raw organic food bar


… the day is not over, so who knows? the list could expand; but I hope not ...

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A new day and mornings,
and smiles so dear

Gratitude and hugs
as the shadows disappear.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Uh Oh

Uh oh .... So there was a mild deviation from my raw food path ... I succumbed to the chip urge ... and the gum urge ... but other than that, I did fine. I've added 6 pounds to my frame over the last month, and it could be due to toxic build up. There's no judgment ... I just have to see why it's gotten harder to stay on course this time. I've been craving cooked foods because I gave into it twice already this month. I think I'm overeating because I'm trying to substitute my continued craving for cooked foods, and the raw isn't cutting it. That's the only thing I've been doing different that could've triggered it ... will soon see.

As for writing. I've been good about getting in 5 minutes. Sunday I spent time editing. Yesterday, I spent time just writing whatever came, whether it made sense or not.

As for photography, I plan to either take pictures today or at least read more about my options.

Exercise, well I plan on getting to that today. I'm going to try and do a 2 or 4 mile walk this morning.

Effective communication is good. I plan on staying open to to the motivation behind it.

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Selfish or stifling, not my cup of tea,
A boon for a swoon is what it will be.

Sunshine and Earth my roots do grow,
Out of darkness into fresh air is where I will go.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Aplomb and Alacrity

I awaken with ablomb. I awaken with alacrity. I looked up these 2 words and they mean:

Aplomb: n. imperturbable self-possession, poise or assurance.

Alacrity: n. cheerful readiness, promptness, or willingness: to do a favor with alacrity. 2. liveliness, briskness.

One purpose of this blog is to chart my progress with my goals. My goals include:

  1. Staying on the raw food path.
  2. Spending 5 minutes per day working on my writing project (currently a novel) -- enough to produce 1 fully typewritten page for my writer's group per week.
  3. Spending 1 day per week improving my photography skills. I want to jot down all I've learned, or at least produce pictures that I'll upload to the flickr account.
  4. Being active a minimum of 3 times per week. Whether through my rehab moves, yoga or stuff with the outdoor group (hiking, canoe-ing, etc.).
  5. Working on my communication skills.
I have this book about those in the Gemini North Node (me). We don't communicate in the sense of a 2-way conversation. We don't want to argue, and think that by not communicating, the problem will clear up by itself. When we don't know how to connect with someone, becoming aloof is often our defense. This is due to the underlying fear that what we have to say won't be understood and accepted. There are times where we want to be open, but hold back because we are so sensitive to any kind of negative response. However, this blocks intimacy and creates tension.

I have found this to be true for me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

So here's how I'm doing on my goals thus far:

Goal 1:

So far, this weekend I have stayed on the raw food path. No chips, no caffeine, no gum laced with aspartame. I have found that I have been over eating lately, but I think it's because I have been trying to fill a void -- which I guess is what most people do when they overeat. Plus, I think some of it is stress-induced, or for me, guilt-induced (for not meeting some of my intended goals).

I joined this local co-op where every 2 weeks, I get a buncha' organic stuff at a reasonable cost. It sounded good at the time because aside from the reasonable cost, it would allow me to contribute to the local organic farmers. However, since I don't have a say as to what I get, I may opt out. I got stuff like eggplant, squash and potatos, all of which require cooking.

Goal 2:

Each day since Thursday, I have written a minimum of 5 minutes per day, but I found myself jumping around in scenes and creating characters that may not stay. It doesn't feel as productive as I would like, but at least I'm writing.

Goal 3:
Yesterday, I went to a local Wolf Camera workshop and learned:
  1. How to change my camera setting to fine resolution, and the significance of shutter speed;
  2. About aperture (appropriateness of light and how camera allows light in); and
  3. White balance (how the camera perceives the color white in the existing environment, so it can adjust the other colors to correlate with this).
Goal 4:

I did rehab moves Friday and walked 2 miles yesterday. I was supposed to do a 15-mile hike today with the outdoors group, but never committed to it. I may do yoga later today, we'll see, as the day is still young.

Goal 5:

I'm working on my communcation skills in that I'm reading more about it.