Aurora

The moment Aurora shut the door, she plopped into her chair and let exhaustion take her. She sighed in frustration as she thought of what else she could try. She labored with everything the fairies suggested, but all efforts to try to tap into her supposed powers proved futile. If not for their insistence, she would discount possessing a trace of magic.

Through eyes of a wounded soul

I need healing. I’m seeing the world through eyes of a wounded soul.

I’m being surrounded by talks, discussions and photos of those showcasing their young. Their milestone graduations and accomplishments ... while my son is locked up, a victim of his own ignorance and dare I say stupidity.

I’m in a mood ... a mood where I want to shun the world. I know a lot of it is hormones. Turbulent hormones. We met with Hunny’s grandmother and she kept asking about B. We lied about his whereabouts because she is too old and frail to handle the truth. She spoke of her dream where she saw him, asked for a hug and he said he couldn’t. It rips my heart out to hear such things. To lie about such things. I lied to someone recently about him because I just didn’t have the wherewithal to go into the whole story, so I took the fewest and simplest words possible and just lied so the subject could be quickly dropped.

Moment to moment, breath to breath. This is how I am living.

I am reserving judgment about everything. Everyone is doing the best they can with what is before them.

More talk about the economy on the radio. More talk about the election and how it’s not our votes that count but those of the electoral college. Exactly how much control do we really have then?


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Here is my card from the Osho Zen Tarot stack:

CHANGE

The symbol in this card is an enormous wheel representing time, fate, karma. Galaxies spin around this constantly moving circle, and the twelve signs of the zodiac appear on its circumference. Just inside the circumference are the eight trigrams of the I Ching, and even closer to the center are the four directions, each illuminated by the energy of lightning. The spinning triangle is at this moment pointed upward, toward the divine, and the Chinese symbol of yin and yang, male and female, creative and receptive, lies at the center.

It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.

Seduction of Darkness

"Seduction of darkness, too strong to resist;
Every reason to succumb, nary one to subsist.

Light and laughter, a distant memory;
Replaced instead, by dread and drudgery.

A nightmare this is, choosing to wake up now;
Sight beyond illusion, will show me how."

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I keep having dreams of driving over overpasses and dying as I go over. The moment I realize I’m dead, I wake up. Significance? I don’t know.

I’m starting to feel like that character in Joe Versus the Volcano. Working under florescent lights, and dealing with the daily drudgery of existence. I look around at our economy and feel forced to feel grateful for what I have. Always compare to those less fortunate, right? But there’s got to be a better way than living by comparison. I want to live, leading with my heart and soul, but I’m afraid. So afraid. I see the men in my life; so good. But do the good die young? Does the good guy finish last? Is this truly a dog-eat-dog world? Is daring to trust foolhardy?

My reflection is of a woman I don’t recognize. Her light dim, and always running from shadows. Does age and experience really cause bitterness? Does the weather of time, really taint the spirit? I just want to weep. Weep for my son, weep for my regrets, weep for time lost; weep for the sorrows I see in my loved ones. I am weary and weathered. Is victory of this Earth? I think not.