When I see Thee anon

Grandmother moon, how I've missed you.
Your last brush of comfort set me right.

While you were away, you saw naught,
When caution, sense and reason took flight.

I tested the fates being foolhardy;
Believing in mascarade -

Enticed by bait of the treacherous Dark;
Love's prisoner, I obeyed.

Please hold me once more, Wise One -
in the light of your ancient heart.

And gift me with new love and fervor -
so I may better play my part.

No more shall I squander your vigor,
the elixir of magical presence.

Instead I'll rekindle my purpose,
Lavishing all that I touch with my essence.

Vigilence shall be my tool
of which I shall masterfully wield

When I see Thee anon,
I hope to emerge fully healed.

             ~ Lita Mitchell

This picture was taken by me from this weekend's full moon. It was my first attempt at photographing a full moon since I got my tripod so long ago. My next attempt will be to try to get it when it's all moody with clouds.

It's been so long since I've written poetry. Seeing this month's full moon, subsequent to New Year's Eve's blue moon inspired it.

Adieu ...

Commodity of Hope

My screened-in patio houses some fun inspirations like the dragonfly instilling the invaluable commodity of hope ... which is so critical in this time. The picture above is my patio view -- so serene.

Breathing is becoming easier in this altitude of change. Put in a full day's work, with no desire to do the un-fun tonight -- which rules out exercise.

Briefly met with my landlord who gave me overdue keys to the clubhouse and mailbox. What's exciting about that is there's a hot tub down there calling my name! But not today, as it's getting in the 50's again tonight.

I dwell solo in my slice of sanctuary ... with a hint of neighborly television noise as a backdrop to the clickety clack of my keyboard as I type ... that and the hum of my refrigerator, which gosh darn, I accidentally left open all night.

At the moment, I am in a state of allowing ... the vessel of my being ... to fill ... and forever be replenished ... with peace ... and prosperity. Amen ....

Here is my dinner of papaya and bananas tonight, which is a healthy contrast to last night's dinner comprising of an Isagenix shake with chips and hummus as the chaser.

Until next time, fare thee well ...

Surpassing Monday

Home-made and scaled down thrusters (I realize the colors of my garb don't match :)

I'm basking in the post workout glow after a quick workout followed by a 3-mile run (first 3-mile run I've done for as long as I can remember). Today, the endorphins did me good.

Assisted pull-ups

Yesterday, not so much. Despite keeping my reps and rounds low, I pushed myself to the point of nausea. After a power nap, I felt better enough to work up enough courage to face the fear of my directionally-challenged self and I left the safe-feeling confines of my parking lot. I got as far as a Walmart (while looking for Target) and Publix. A couple more key favorites and I'll be set :)

Anyway for now, I'm relieved to have surpassed what felt like an unsurmountable Monday -- a feat that comprised of sleeping through the night without paranormal visits, followed by reducing the volume of fears and thoughts that ran rampant during the first couple of hours at my new job.

Now, I'm happily embracing the comfort of silence in my new home and giving a special part of myself to this blog not only as a way to document my journey, but to see how my thoughts evolve ... or, de-evolve in time ... :)

Here are the dark chocolate tuttles that I got a dozen of from Kilwins. I owe a great deal of my motivation toward yesterday's workout to it's consumption at breakfast yesterday, lol.

I type this partially under candlelight and it lends a very romantic feel to my evening (the picture doesn't give the candle glow justice, and the noise is a bit much, but oh well):


Ok, that's it for now. Time to visit with my Buffy "friends" now as I wind down for the evening :)

Big Changes

Silence does not feel the same as aloneness. The latter triggers painful associations. Right now, after a fun outing with Laura, I am left with what I felt before her visit: a stark feeling of aloneness, a void, a perceived cause for panic. These feelings are reactionary to my biggest fear: feelings of abandonment. I know in my heart I am not abandoned, but my inner child must be convinced as well.

Laura and I went furniture shopping today. Here are a couple of bargain bar stools she helped bring back to my place:

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Here is a picture taken of me at my desk while I worked at PMH:

This week was a biggie for me!!! Concurrently, I moved into a new place in unfamiliar territory AND started a new job. I'm in the process of making both of them truly my own. But first I have to learn the dance and accustom myself to the rhythm.

Here is a glimpse of the interior of my new place. You can see my patio which overlooks a tree and lake in the back:

Complicated thoughts and feelings confound me. Fortunately, the blow from this week's jolting changes have been softened by nightly watchings of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's soothing to surround myself with familiar "friends".

My compass is pointed toward dwelling in harmony, beauty and peace of mind. I came across a quote from James Allen I liked: "Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom." I know experience breeds wisdom and for now, I hope the remaining chapters of my life will exclusively encompass harmonious experiences bathed in love, joy, health, prosperity, serenity, security, humor, simplicity and authenticity.

I am so used to thinking of how to structure my life around others, which is hard to do when there are no others. It seems the structure must now be directed toward the only architect on this site: me. As liberating as some would find that, I find it overwhelming at present, almost suffocating. Having all this time on my hands ... time for self-indulgence, I suppose. Wise use would consist of being healthy, positive, creative, productive. Yes.

A pact was made between Laura and I to spend most of our Saturdays being creatively fruitful. I look forward to her expertise as she guides my artist within to work on canvas, play with paint, and become uninhibited and free with creative expression, akin to dancing I suppose ...

WORKOUT/DIET: The drastic alterations this week have affected the consistency and intensity of my workouts. My diet has comprised of Jamba Juice, Isagenix shakes and chocolate. Once I set foot in a grocery store, I anticipate my palate will be more varied.

Moving and Grooving

I dipped my toes into the idea of starting belly dance again to see if I missed it enough to return. I watched soloists on DVD and although I was not inspired enough to want to do anything on a strict level, I was inspired enough to expand the moment with coined hip scarf shaking and swirling around with a flowy veil. :) This art was once a natural part of me and I forgot just how fun, healing, sensuous, challenging and rewarding it can be. Since I have such a wide repertoire of movements at my disposal, it makes sense to incorporate them into my workout to mix things up and keep it fresh.

Anyway, as I danced around, I looked in the mirror and thought, Wow, could I use plastic surgery, lol. The signs of aging suck and it can easily do a number to one’s head. Although I don’t rule out plastic surgery, for now, I choose to focus on how funny our frigid attitude toward aging can be. The movie, Death Becomes Her, immediately comes to mind, where the two women chose eternal youth and beauty, but at such a high and humorously tragic cost.



When my belly dance website came down, so did all corresponding pictures. Fortunately, I retrieved a couple from another site, and decided to incorporate those here, in remembrance of my “past life” as professional belly dancer :). The photo with my long locks was professionally done, with tints I added via Photoshop. I really like how my long hair looks here. The picture at the top was taken at a gig for a birthday party. I so loved the hot pink veil I was wrapped in.

I made such remarkable strides with Crossfit and feel put off that I’ve had to quit in light of my move. It offers really hardcore workouts with basic, yet effective equipment. There’s not a facility close to where I’m moving, so I will have to make do with home workouts.

My workouts have been sluggish the last few weeks, as I’ve been working on building momentum after getting over a foot injury that occurred when I was curious and stupid enough to see what it was like to walk in 9-inch heel stripper shoes. After a couple of steps, I toppled in a really bad and embarrasing way, lol ... I’ve also allowed my body time to heal from a cold, but I hope my momentum builds and that I’m able to recover strength and endurance as I become more consistent.

The last few times I worked out, I focused on basics. On good days, I would do 4 rounds of pull ups, thrusters (30 pounds), knees to elbows and push ups followed by running a mile. Running was hard, as my feet started to hurt and my calves were sore. But I did lay off for a bit and last night, I ran 2 miles with no problems in just over 23 minutes. I thought that was decent, considering.

Anyway, after my move to the new location, I intend to hone my workout and aspire to get some really, rocking results. :)

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Lastly, my thoughts and prayers go out to the many who were/are affected by the devastating earthquake that shook Haiti :( It's so surreal, and really difficult for me to fathom the magnitude of grief, destruction and loss ...

To an auspicious, new year

I type this while I try to dodge the distracting, licking affections of Ellie Mae. She's been house-bound all week due to Florida's long cold spell.

Anyway, I aspire to blog at least once a week, and since I know today marks the end of the first week of the year, I am compelled to post SOMEthing before days' end. My challenge has been to pin down a topic. I trust that as I type, the topic will bare itself ...

My goals pertaining to creativity, photography and fitness are on standby until things settle down.

My future is based on faith ... "Jump and the net will appear." I am hoping I remember to go with the flow of life instead of swimming against it.

Of noteworthy mention is my tough decision to give notice at my current job of 5 years, and the difficulty of sticking to it especially after they countered and appealed to the part of me that wants a sure thing, to the part that resists change. Their loyalty and kindness toward me over the years has had me unyieldingly responding in kind, but I can't continue to do so at the cost of eventually finding myself in the unemployment line. I have seen the writing on the wall at the satellite office due to today's economic climate, and it would be imprudent of me to ignore it.

Of course I wouldn't be blogging about it had I not been given an opportunity and helping hand to go to a more promising place, the timing of which came the first of the year. I took this as my chance for a fresh start in a new environment.

Speaking of new environment, I am also in the process of relocating and am meeting with a realtor today to give her the signed lease and to pay for application fees and first month's rent. Unfortunately, I must await approval from the association before I can move ... but I will see that as a necessary pause to give myself time to acclimate to the new changes.



Switching topics, I finally watched the movie, Marley and Me, this week, and nothing could prepare me for the ending ... especially when I never got closure over losing my 14-year old dog, Shadow. On Thanksgiving weekend, I found the back gate wide open, and after days and nights of searching, he was nowhere to be found ... That came as a rude and brutal blow to my already delicate state from the debilitating discovery of an indiscretion and continued breach of trust that set in motion my eventual departure from Miami. Anyway, Shadow is a dog beyond compare, and he will forever be etched in my mind and heart as the smartest and most loyal canine companion that I have ever had the privilege of sharing my life with.


With respect to my son, he recently wrote a positive letter indicating that his new job within his cold confines has given him a sense of normalcy for which I am elated. I know that his strength, strong character and guardian angels will see him through until I can finally hold him as a free man. And with time appearing to move as swiftly as it has, it will be here before I know it ...

As I work on closing this, I find that Ellie Mae is still a distraction, only this time, it's due to her loud and jolting snore. :) As she is Mike's birthday present, she will remain with him. I will miss her English bulldog charms, but not her destructiveness, lack of smarts, ill potty training habits, and stubbornness, lol.