Summoning time and energy

I was trying to come up with an appropriate picture to post toward the top to offer comic relief as a contrast to the blah blah seriousness of this posting. Pics from this shoot seem to do the trick, and I may even add it to my Flickr site :)

Random Thoughts:

Another day my bed went unmade as I scrambled out the door toward the place I spend most of my waking hours. My job is not my life, but it enables me the means for self-reliance, and that is empowering. So for that, I truly am grateful.

The work place is all hustle and bustle, and there's little room for pleasantries. Everyone works at maximum intensity, doing their best to keep the peace with the boss, clients, etc. Time for daydreaming or feeling sorry for oneself is a rare luxury. A part of me feels proud to be a part of something so viable, with a brilliant boss and business woman, and another part resents the time and energy I have to give after hours to catch up.

It seems no one is without their share of concerns, so I know I've got it good. However, aside from the concerns of meeting the demands at work, I fret over wanting to make everyone happy. No question, I have fallen short. I simply feel I am too little butter spread over too much bread.

Exhaustion coupled with being easily overwhelmed puts me in shut down mode 10.

I missed the mark to blog last week. I made it private, thinking it would enable me to write uninhibitedly ... to express my truths without worry of scrutiny. It's been private now for days, yet still no entry until now.

Goals:

What's the answer for prolific writing? I'm thinking just sitting my bum down and doing it on a schedule. Once upon a time ... ok, several once upon a times, I made a schedule to adhere to, but without it staring me in the face, it really does no good.

I have pop-up reminders at work, telling me what I need to get done that day; now, I need to have a system that works for home. I aspire to stay true to my calling, which is to be the best version of me there is. And that is someone surrounded by family and friends, yet is able to find balance to run with her creative side. Otherwise, I'm in a disenchanting quandary. I don't want to eliminate what's in my life, but I have to have structure in order to fulfill my needs.

Creatively, I need to write. Preferably in a blog (to document the comings and goings of my life and to express my truths), and in a novel (to push the limits of my imagination and literacy).

I need to draw or paint. From what little I've done with a paintbrush, I know I love how it feels in my hands. Working with a pencil or brush brings to life that which longs to be created. I have denied the rich experience of delving more into it, thinking every stroke needs to be perfect. But there's something so perfect about flubbing ... it's fearless, raw exploration and discoveries. I have to remember there is time to get it right, but first I have to practice, and flubbing is fun if I can look at it as dancing and laughing with a new dance partner.

And then there is the canvas of movement and music which adds to and enhances the tapestry of our spirit.

Considering I'm writing all of this and posting it after a full day's work on little sleep, proves I'm capable of making an entry, but at a cost. It took a considerable amount of time to both write and process some of the corresponding pics ...

As the day wanes, I go through my mental checklist of what I'd still love to check off ... I love my life, and I must find a way to make it work for me. A mystery I will meditate on...

Of noteworthy mention the past week:

I finally got my external hard drive, so I don't worry so much about space nor picture loss.

I went on an outing with other photographers to the Jazz Festival in Deerfield. It was great having an opportunity to stretch ourselves as photographers, beyond the wildlife scene.

Another CS with Laura yielded more results of our respective oil paintings, and Laura and I practiced Japanese watercolor.

For Mother's Day, I talked at length with my Mom and we spoke of our lives and lusts. Also, I received my first letter from Bri since I've lived here.

He wanted to ensure I received it before Mother's Day, which I did. It felt sooo good to hear from him and to know what he's been up to. The gist of what he said was that work keeps him so busy his sleep is affected. He does his best to get as much alone time as he can. On some of his down time, he works out, which I'm happy about, as the endorphins released from it naturally combat stress and the results boost confidence. I so look forward to seeing and holding him again, hopefully soon.

Easing back into blogging

After a long lapse in blogging, the easiest way I know how to approach the daunting task of catching up is via a couple of quotes, pictures (which are worth a thousand words) and minimal commentary.

“The beginnings and endings of all human undertakings are untidy.”

"You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes." ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

My weekly visits with Tammy is girl time I really look forward to.  She always brings me amusing things to read or look at.  We like to hang out at Stork's Restaurant, where they have gourmet-styled food and baked goods, including Barbie cakes!

We recently went to Orlando, where we visited Gatorland (laden with gators and wild birds), Audubon (bird-of-prey sanctuary) and Downtown Disney, where we perused several shops, enjoyed outside entertainment, indulged in a brownie sundae at Ghirardelli's cafe, and of course took lots of photos!

I also went to Naples for Laura's birthday, which was also the first day of Spring.  We went to Tin City, with our cameras naturally in hand.  We ate at a cafe, browsed through stores at an outside shopping strip and visited a store of miniatures.  We were goofing around with fun glasses at this one store; She tried to imitate a school teacher with the glasses below.  I saw it as a base for Photoshop art :)

What has occupied a great deal of my time and energy has been work. Here, I am working from home, which is not unusual at my new place of employment.  I was wearing sweats and a T-shirt, when I decided to change and put my hair into the the cliche bun (of which I never do) for this shot.

CS with Laura have not fallen by the wayside.  Prior to yesterday, our last CS was spent on digital art tutorials.  Laura seems to pick time-consuming ones, but once complete, it's always an amazing masterpiece!  Her piece this time was imposing four seasons onto one tree of which she's completed Fall and Summer; the quadrants have been quite the challenge.  Mine was completed the same afternoon; I turned a picture into a watercolor, which I did below:

Yesterday, our CS consisted of a photoshoot at Blowing Rocks.  Our objective was to stay dry while we obtained stock images of us in various costumes to incorporate into our stock images.  The sudden onset of high tide and the playful waves changed that.  We surrendered to the organic fun of it, although it left us cut, scraped, sprained and bruised.  

What I like about this picture of me, is I appear to be looking into my unwritten future with hope, determination and optimism =)

A handful of RenFest

Just a handful of pics taken from my trip to the RenFest today. 

First bite into a fried oreo :  decadent !

Love to watch them gallop.

I sat transfixed in fascination and wonder as this kestrel flew wildly about and then returned to it's trainer

I indulged in a crepe-filled sandwich containing all sorts of tasty and healthy goodies.

Talent galore!

The time change has it to where I need to keep this short, as I have lots to do within the hour preceding bed-time.

"It's never too late - in fiction or in life - to revise" ... well tomorrow I need to revise how I've been eating, lol.

Mmuahh, sweet blog ....

Exceptional moments

I so wanted to get caught up on my blog and abide by my commitment to blog once a week, especially after being inspired when I watched "Julie and Julia."

As I have fallen short on my commitment, instead of feeling guilty, I revise my commitment henceforth, to blog only as frequently as time and energy will permit. After all, this was designed to work *for* me, not against. :)

I'm simply yielding to the ever-changing flow of life ... Instead of going into details, I'll simply post pictures that correlate with my current whimsy.

Here is one of several of ducks that like to visit the front of my favorite breakfast place.  Such the cutie :)

The gal in the middle is my new hairstylist; also, a co-worker:

With an adjuster I finally met in person at this weekend's Polynesian festival:

I did Polynesian dance.  I did! =)  And miss it terribly ... Here's a collage of pics taken, dancing Hula and Tahitian styles (gotta' dig the coconut bras, lol):

and savoring for last, are pics which hold a special place in my heart that were taken during exceptional moments ... :
 

 

Making the most of my time

Digital art! ... I mean writing ... or, um, photography ... but then there's painting!!!

Lately, I've done very little, if any, of the above. Worse yet, I missed my weekly deadline to blog, so I'm making up for it this week by blogging at least two entries. I've frittered away time and energy, but now I choose to buckle down and make the most of both.

Anyway, as a product of another creative day with Laura, I completed my first digital art painting using a tutorial to turn a portrait into an anime-styled painting. Although anime styles are big in the Asian front, I didn't think my portrait looked all that anime, despite my Asian looks, but I think it comes down to honing a skill I have yet to develop.  BTW, the Photoshop Creative tutorial I used was frustratingly vague, so I had to make trial and error adjustments, substituting some of the steps and tools with those I had a working knowledge of.

Writing ... Ah yes, writing :)  LOVE !  Love to write ... love to read good writing! I will learn more about novel writing in particular, and intend to schedule a time slot once a week to swim in it.

Photography. Well that's the easiest in that I'm always inspired to snap a shot of something that moves me, which is a great deal of the time, because interest is where you find it :)  The photo above was taken at Stork's on Valentine's Day, with my friend, Tammy as my Valentine for the day, lol.

Lastly, there's painting. I've had my new easel and paint set sitting in my art room ... and everytime I walk into the room I smile and tell the empty canvases, "please give me another day". Well many days have come and gone, and it's so neglectful not to use the tools in the manner for which they're made ... and a waste of time for not bringing life to that which which yearns to be created. Well I can tell you the culprit that delays my progress: an embarrasing dose of perfectionism. And as the quote by Anne Lamott goes, "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor." So I shall seek to remedy that immediately :)

Touchstones

As I scramble toward my deadline to post before night's end, I'm forced to commit to one of many topics I've found pertinent for this week. I've narrowed it down to one of my most cherished blessings: MY FRIENDS!  In particular, those touchstones who have gone out of their way to lend their strength and support, through the black hole of despair I've experienced on and off the last couple of years.

Now that the dust of the past has settled, I take this opportunity to honor and show my appreciation of my beloveds. As the quote goes, "Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel."

I'm pictured with my trio of gal pals below, amid the sprinkles of friendship-based quotes. They are displayed in no certain order, as each touchstone is immeasurably valued.

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."
- by Lysha

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.' "

 "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there."

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
- Henry Ford

"Friends are kisses blown to us by angels."

   
"A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself."

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out."
-Walter Winchell

 "True friendship is seen through the heart, not the eyes."


Warmest and heartfelt thank you's for lifting me up, dusting me off and cheering me to shine and come into my own :) !!!

Without reservation

This past weekend, Laura and I had our first creative Saturday. Our theme was to let loose on canvas, without inhibitions ... to be like a child at play, with no rules ... to let go of the need to control and not be afraid of the paint.

I had zero sleep the night before, so it was easy not to care so much about the outcome ... to just give in to the moment and really expand and explore via creative instinct.

Laura's work of art went through a huge metamorphosis -- from a mixed wash of colors, to a themed masterpiece. Mine just evolved from the bottom up, not so much changing than being filled in with my whimsy. At the end of our session, I let mine dry, and called it "fini". Since Laura's had required refinement, she needed more time to add essential elements. Anyway, I know just where mine will go: my bathroom :)

The first materials introduced onto my canvas were the words love, and I had them interpersed throughout. I can't say why, other than I'm drawn to love. My name, after all, is an acronym for Love Is The Answer. And Laura said when she saw my canvas, the verse to a song that said "Love, love, love" kept playing in her head. :)

I was speaking to a coworker who spoke of the necessity to harden one's heart, but I simply never see myself doing that. Closing myself off like that would also close me off to all of the wondrous as well. I thnk it's about being vigilant, and selective as to who is worthy and deserving of the prize. I want to kiss the lips of my desires, without reservation. The only difference is this time, it's just a matter of choosing wisely.