Sleep

Tossed and turned first due to temperature issues, then to pee ... then to contend with aches throughout my back and getting the pillows in the right location for my legs ... by then it was 5:30 and I was unable to go back to sleep. Tried meditating to the true place where there is peace, serenity, love, connection ... only to be hounded by fret over not being able to fall back asleep before my alarm went off. Since the urge to journal kept surfacing, I took it as a sign to go back to morning pages. Yesterday I woke in a bad mood. Also had a restless night's sleep, and annoyed the day was beautiful, but I was unrested and cranky. Dissatisfied with not doing enough fun things with Bill for months now. He only wants to work on projects all day and I'm bursting for desires for adventure and fun. I am reminded of his aches and pains with his knee ... and there has been my recovery from my foot and shoulder ... not to mention just wanting to relax over the weekend from hectic weeks. Made most oof time to catch up from work sometimes also and to squeeze in much needed naps. Moping that perhaps it's only me... upset my limitations have kept me from delving into painting lessons and fussing over my plants. Then i recall I have again 'lost my religion" only to remember the one that was already in place before i wandered and detoured through the cave of mazes. Recalling these mazes are only illusions, I remember to be vigilant to ACIM; knowing I'm the dreamer who made all this up. Which means work. To observe my thoughts especailly that of judgment. Everytime I say "you" in a victim connotation, I try to recall it's a symptom of resistance which is I'm choosing with the egoo because I'm afraid to choose with the Holy Spirit.

Today

Today I wrote this specials on the chalkboard of "Hey Honey! salmon" and Today's quote was "Joy is not in things. It is in us." Had technical difficulties this week and Mercury is not even in retrograde. My Hello Fresh order arrived a day too soon. There was a glitch with my Amazon order. I acted on the latter issue this morning as evidenced by the ipad keyboard i am typing on that arrived within the same day of this morning's Order. Pretty impressive! Blair just called from heatstroke after playing lacrosse. I was going to start writing in my beloved journal again ... but after reading several entries throughout the year, realized I am no longer the same person and hence could no longer pick up where I left off which was over a year ago. Instead, I made the most of the morning's downpour to drench it enough to wear the pages were soggy enough for me to rip and pull apart. Bill helped me bury underground under the turtle. It's approaching dinnertime, so I will now start the process.

Journaling

There has been so much overwhelm this year that I wanted to take something off my plaste, so to speak. That inspired me to seek out a food delivery system. Although it's not the healthiest option, it still feel like I'm heading in the right direction. Today I made a pumpkin pie in anticipation of my husband's 55th birthday. Although it felt like a trainwreck, it still felt good to be inspired to act from love and to do something new. I'm still steeped in ACIM. It seems to make the most sense and be the most sane way to go.

Brazen

Despite all attempts to focus primarily on creative endeavors or at least, more practical matters, I'm distracted.  I know, no surprise ;)  My body simply will not let me forget that before anything, I'm housed in the form of passion ... in the form of a woman ... and this form is screaming for the sensuous ... and I'm not talking chocolate. The energy from within, where creativity resides, is of a sexual / kundalini rising nature ... but since I'm in the midst of a dry spell, and since I've been reading this how-to book on journaling where sex is discussed liberally, my "creative" energy wants to hone in on ... well, unspeakable acts of desperate passion ... and not so much on more practical matters, lol ;P

There, I said it ... or um wrote it. But I am not by any means done.  Tomorrow is a new day in which I may feel differently, of which my cravings may subside or dissipate ... but in the here and now, I share of today's truths.

The how-to book I'm referencing is entitled Notes to Self, and there's an "Express Yourself Explicitly" section that states:

Knowing yourself sexually isn't as simple as knowing what your pleasure points are. It's important to take note of your emotional expectations and reactions and to be aware of your sexuality when you're not having sex. It is with us at all times. Writing about sex is undeniably awkward at first, but so is having sex. You'll get used to it and will hopefully come to enjoy the process. If the sex is good, I very much enjoy having it twice - in person and on paper. And if it's lackluster, then writing can be an important tool in figuring out exactly what went wrong and how it can be improved upon.

I must say, I was surprisingly taken aback with just how explicit she was when she shared of some her exploits. She goes on to say that nothing she wrote felt wrong to her and therefore it wasn't.

She also goes on to say, if anything, do not lie in your journal - To thine Self Be True.

Well, there's something to be said about writing privately, but after reading diaries that have gone public (aside from hers), it was comforting to see reflections of myself in them ... I didn't feel as alone in my concealed experiences, as I was able to relate to some of their raw honesty ... to thoughts, feelings and experiences no one dare admit, much less openly write about. 

In keeping with today's tone:

Joyful Resonance

Yesterday, I knew blogging would be in my cards today. I knew it like I knew I had to breathe in air to continue existing in this perceived reality.

I turned my gaze from the chaos of social media to instead focus on regrouping my energy. I started by revisiting my thoughts, words and expressions of my prior blog posts. I was flooded with delight and awe to re-experience my creations, not entirely remembering what I wrote.

For instance, I wrote toxins adversely affected my skin. Had I have remembered that, I would have made the connection with the existing rash on my face. Psoriasis is an auto immune disorder and the culprit is a leaky gut.

I thought I was too healthy to have an auto immune disorder; alas, my blatant inflammatory struggle reflected otherwise. Once that realization took hold, the frequency of my restroom trips made more sense. I was both horrified and relieved. Horrified because it meant I had to give up my pleasure and crutch: chocolate. Relieved because I had the pass to go back to eating whole foods again.

My latest hobby is orchids; particularly because I inherited them. Fussy is an understatement. They each have their own personality; it's unreal.

My recent astrology reading inferred I love to use words to make things look more beautiful. I chalk it up to having a lot of Gemini in my chart.

With a life path number of 7, consistent with being spiritually inclined, I have continued to forge forward in my quest for the ultimate truth. I have found it a maze that has several paradigms. I can with conviction, speak on what I have experienced. As Gary Renard said, go from personal experience and do not let theology delay you. I am familiar with many cosmic and esoteric concepts, including ETs, starseeds, galactic federations, multidimensions, elements, archetypes, runes, resonance, etc. From the paradigm of personal physical experience, A Course In Miracles has been the most effective theology for assisting with the experience of truth and peace. From the vantage point of the experience or dream of being a human, I achieved objective results working with resonance and energy.

As I still need to shop for groceries and fertilize the orchids, I will leave this entry by saying there is nothing more joyful than loving and being loved. This morning's note from my husband melted my heart.

Crystals and more ...

It's clear my lesson especially for today, is to surrender.  I had paragraphs of content typed, all for it to vanish with one thoughtless reflex.

I more or less summed up the reason I decided to start blogging again, which is to introduce my exchanges with my crystals.  Today,  I took pictures of my rose quartz skull with the intent of using it as my premiere gemstone exchange.  Doing so inspired me to get reacquainted with Photoshop to expand tangible ways to express my exchanges.  Here it is:

After a few hours of relearning the basics, I was able to add a minor "glow" around the skull amid plumeria blooms.  I have not yet been able to confirm its name or message, but I am optimistic it will come with time.  I placed an image of the quartz crystal skull from the Mayan ruins that I was blessed to meditate with on a couple of occasions, on the face of my rose quartz skull and intended they connect and share information.

Now that I am able to navigate through Photoshop again after years of it sitting dormant in my system, I'm also excited about the possibilities of creating images to visibly portray my impressions of my metaphysical explorations from the last few years.

For starters, I obtained several books and took several courses on how to understand crystals and how to work with and incorporate them into my everyday life, which include healing and revelry :)

Love Life

Today's oracle card is Love Life.

Love this per the Wander Society:

To wander is to wake up as if from a deep sleep.  All of your senses become active and alert again ... You remember who you were when we were young, before you gave your life to other things (technology, school, money, people).

The Supernatural - My card pulled from Beautiful Creatures Tarot Deck

I got a call from Brian while on the phone with my mom.  He called for girlfriend advice.  Pinch me; really?  it took me 28 years to realize I never thought I would have such a sense of usefulness. Unique blessing indeed.   I told him he needed to cultivate his patience and communication skills.  Communication is big with girls.  I described how there is an art to being vulnerable and that in order to be with the right person, he needed to be the right person.  If anything, he will do his future self a favor by cultivating this technique.

I called him the next, at his encouragement to see how things went and he said he is doing well and it home with him about in order to find and be the right person, he himself needed to be the right person.  

Still Do

Yesterday, I pulled two oracle cards; one about admitting my true feelings to myself and the other about parental care.

Today I got "parental care" yet again.  Can't help but wonder if it's about the role reversal thing, as it's never easy to think about your parents needing "parental" care.  I also pulled "sentimental feelings".

Blair enters the picture, mid-blog and summons my full attention as she tells me about her day spent with her new friend, Sydney.  They beached and taco'd.  She shows me her varied tan lines, and how she is trying to keep her face from sun damage and premature wrinkling.

Next we are mirthful about Macy and how vibrant and healthy she is for being nine.  Blair woefully suggested she may have cataracts due to her blurry pupils.  I confirmed the possibility since she's up in there in age for a dog.  One constant about Blair is how gentle and caring she is with animals.  It will be interesting to see if she goes into an animal-caring profession.

So back to yesterday, my inspiration was Hines Ward.  I knew nothing about him prior to listening to him on a podcast hosted by Art of Charm.  His story and amazing attitude kept me lit and awake during my commute home from work, despite dragging ass all day.

I was more rested today, so felt productive work-wise.  I listened to fellow gals in the industry as they ranted about the toxic effects unreasonable workloads and employer expectations can have.

After learning about a mass mosquito spray being done across the county, my plans to exercise got delayed.  Instead of doing downward dogs, I was downward in milkweed and netted butterfly cages.  I replenished the famished caterpillars' food supply and moved the cats, as well as the convalescing milkweed plants, inside.  I move them into my room, where they are safe from home-for-the-summer teens and friends.  The thing is, I get so carried away watching them eat and move about that I end up accomplishing much else.

I forged forward and encouraged my body to move, whispering how great it will feel once I get momentum.  Maybe it was the energy I expended on the butterflies, but I did not reap an exercise high this time.

Today's Fairy messages are "Be Yourself" (the 5th one I pulled this month) and "Walk Away".  It seems an underlying theme to ensure I do not compromise who I am for others.  Which I have.  And still do.  But I'm getting better.

I saw this fantastic saying below and found it so appropriate for this caterpillar/butterfly chapter of my life :)

Trust and beauty

After a morning fraught with annoyance, I grabbed the closest thing to me as a tool to escape Anguish's embrace.  It was the Fairy Bible by Teresa Moorey, I intentionally it left out to remind me to look up fairies that help in the realm of gardening and rearing caterpillars/butterflies.

A few Monarch butterflies from the batch I rear

I always get excited at this stage, knowing it will be flying the next day!

A bouquet of soon-to-be Monarch butterflies

My fingers stopped on the page about my Gemini air sign.  My eyes drank in the fable about a fairy named Vila.  Ultimately, it was about keeping one's word.  "Air is the Element that best symbolizes clarity, purity and trust.  If a promise is broken, that trust may be gone for ever.  Fairies abhor beaches of trust, and none more so than the Vila.  This story also symbolizes the deep betrayal of the land of our own inner natures when we turn away from the bond we have nature ... "  Poignant.  However, my search for fairies that help with butterflies continues.

Laura came up to see my butterfly garden yesterday.  During her visit, she helped inspire renewed interest in implementing daily rituals.   I am excited!  It may be just what I need to feel more grounded and sure-footed in the wake of such overwhelming and chaotic years. 

Two daily rituals I aspire to implement are journaling and engaging with Earthly elements.  I take comfort in returning to once familiar and well-loved activities.  


I tried handwriting a journal entry, but several, difficult pens later, I find myself back in this digital haven.  This seems to be the mode of least resistance in the way of enabling me to remain constant.

I also decided to pull a daily Oracle card.  Although today, I pulled two.  One from the Butterfly deck: Parental Care (about reversing roles with your parents); and one from the Faerie (surprise) deck: Express your Individuality (I construed as staying my ground as far as what makes me, well, ME.

In the new book I bought, "Soul Searcher's Handbook" by Emma Mildon,  I did a quiz within that said I was a Bohemian.  "... You are party is about seeing the beauty in all things, all experiences, and all people -- you always see the bright side, come out smelling roses, and have a natural glow that attracts others to you ..." This is consistent with my email address "lookforbeauty@..."

I trust in beauty. 

One foot in front of the other ...

Awe-Manac Stuff

Name Today:  Swept Away

Today I get to:  Explore and live dangerously with Laura

Toast of the Day:  "Here's to taking one more step"
(Pic by Laura love and processed by me)

Today was our first Creative Saturday of the year together, and as always, fun and laughter overflows ☺. Our planning was limited to breakfast at I-Hop and our customary trip to the bookstore.

Everything else, we left to our respective whims ... and look where it led us:

Fort Lauderdale Beach:

We were greeted by this super loving, super cat-nappable cat named Kiwi

And stumbled upon this cool, dressed up manatee mailbox.

Taking a moment for our duo self portraits ☺

This intriguing neighborhood even had a colorful, designer wall.

Laura got this shot of me while we were trespassing on private property.  My curiosity led me to the second floor ... while her concerns of getting caught had her seeking an exit (only to wind up in the backyard of parallel property, lol).

While trespassing, Laura and I came across this interesting "art set-up"

A fitting find for our day ☺

I wonder how long they have known each other ...

This was such a magical moment to witness ...

Molly just couldn't wait to love on us.

We saw so many people running with their dogs.

Downtown Fort Lauderdale / Las Olas:

This was just SO Lita, lol ;)

Thirsty Ducklings

Appreciating nature's reflections.

More dog cuteness!

This bake shop had the coolest, decorated cakes I'd ever seen.  (Hey, Laura, I forgot to get my other chocolate chip cookie, lol ;P )

Mmmm!  This was a fun scene to get.  We were getting cooperation, plus the seductive scent of the  warm bread was making us so hungry.

A shot of our meals (and of Laura with her camera) while we dined at a French restaurant

We spotted this chocolate specialty shop on our way out.

This had us giggling, being the chocolate addicts we are ;P ! 

Crazy acronyms for "Compassion"

Name Today: Horizon

Today I get to: Go over a handwritten agreement ☺

Toast of the Day: "Here's to having a friend you can be goofy with."
(Erica feigning to push me out of our office window, 10 stories high)

Aha-phrodisiac:

Use the word "compassion" to write an acronym ...

This is what Tammy and I quickly scribbled down during kava tonight ... ;P :

Tammy:

Curing
Of
Multiple
People
Assimilating
Suffering
Sadness
Injury
Obviously
Neurotic

Me:

Calling
On
Much
Patience
And
Strength
So
I
Overcome
Nonsense

Question for Self: What's one small way I can be compassionate with myself today?

Saying "I'll pass" to worries.

♥

"Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze." ~Amanda Cross

Name today:  Matching socks

Aha-phrodisiac:

What would accordian music look like if you could doodle, collage, or paint it?

Like this ☺:



... I had plans for so much more, but ah, who has the time?!  Will not be home tonight, so I prepared this in advance to upload first thing.

Much lo♥e and blessings!

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. ~ Jack London

Awe-Manac for January 12:

Of note:  It's National Soup Month

Happy Birthday to:  John Singer Sargent, 1856, portrait and landscape painter

Today I get to:  Hustle, and then some ...

Dose of Mirth:  "A portrait is a painting with something wrong with the mouth." ~ John Singer Sargent



I did my best to make something "wrong with the mouth," as I deviated so far from what her mouth originally looked like ... Her overall beauty simply enhanced her new, "wrong" mouth ;P

So much more to accomplish before slumber time, so I've gotta' keep this short.

♥

"You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it." ~ Unknown

Name today:  Pleasantries

Today I get to:  Write letters to loved ones and send them out snail mail.

Aha-phrodisiac:

"Every path has its puddle."

Write a piece that has "puddle" and a bunch of other "p" words in it.

On the way to Publix to pick up items in the produce section, including papayas, pineapples and pears, we passed an old poster of Prince in his prime and pondered what he was doing now. Pam then pleaded we take the private road to pass by her boyfriend's place, who I find to be a pompous prick with a pugnacious disposition.  But then we got sidetracked by a sign in the form of a printed paw pointing the way to what looked like a palace. As we pulled in and parked next to the Porsche, we saw the entire area packed with people.

Neither of us prudent and both prone to prowl for pleasure, we proceeded toward what appeared to be a phenomenal party, but we had to make sure we primped to look our prettiest. A quick perusal of my reflection revealed perfectly plump and pouty lips. We overstepped puddles and tried to blend in and pretend we were on the invite list. We passed a person wearing polka-dotted pants and a pink and purple blouse.

We then overheard a poor wretch preaching of the end and someone else postulating pathetic platitudes. Behind the palms, we saw guys peering into windows, which initially made me think they were Peeping Toms. Around the patio, a pimply-faced pubescent was pissing openly.

Another person was walking what was obviously a very pampered pooch, resembling a Pekinese.

As we got closer, we were partially pummeled with a waft of perfumed air, pleasantly smelling of plumeria. As we entered the foyer, we were met by a greeting party, providing each of us with plastic-wrapped packages and a light peck.

We both paused when we heard a harmonious song being played on the pristine piano which laid atop a patterned Persian carpet.

We eached grabbed a paper plate to fill it with a piece of pumpkin pie, pretzels, popcorn and potato chips. I took the pitcher and poured my friend the last of the punch. One of the guests must've been a physician, as I was able to make out among a cacaphony of sounds, his muffled murmur of pills he could prescribe.

It was then that Pam painfully pinched me to get my attention of the pipe that was being pushed into her palms, as she was deemed next in line to puff.

Moments later, we heard a loud pop and realized someone named Phil packed a power punch at a pimp named Peter who was trying to pick up his playmate of a girlfriend to recruit her as a prostitute and to have her perform pornography.

Flashes of light were coming from all directions, as if we were surrounded by the paparazzi. As soon as we heard the police sirens, we prodded each other into promptly taking our leave.

We called our parents trying not to sound panic-stricken and phony as we tried to paint a more prosaic picture of the reason for our delay.

LOL!  When I read today's exercise, I was totally going to pass, as it didn't excite me enough to want to do it ... I changed my mind at the last minute, feeling the need to stretch my creative stamina.  So this was the best I could whip up at the last second, for both the picture and the "P" -filled story ;P   I'm glad I did it, as it was SO much fun once I got into the groove, but it did have me up WAY past my bedtime!

♥

Maggie Mae

Name Today:  Good measure

Today, I get to:  Eat more chocolate (It's Bittersweet Chocolate Day! ☺)

Aha-phrodisiacs:

In honor of Rod Stewart's birthday, write what happened to Maggie Mae.

This image is my artistic depiction of Maggie Mae.

Maggie Mae is the opposite of a small town woman, as she travels often, in search of adventures beyond anyone's backyard. Her best friend and rock is Ramone, a baker who always has her favorite dessert on standby.  She usually sleeps in until 11:30 am, when her cat, Mustache, decides to gently bat at her face for treats.  She constantly misplaces her personal effects, which is why she can't keep a pair of anything, be it earrings, socks, or shoes.  Her favorite sound is of clanging dishes which remind her of childhood comforts.  She could easily live off of bread, exquisite cheeses, tiramisu and fine wine.  Although her wardrobe is starkly black, she drools over colors of all hues and shades.  She speaks 3 languages fluently, but has trouble pronouncing simple words like cinnamon.  To her, fresh breath is everything, so she makes a point of keeping a spearmint plant on hand.

She:  thinks psychics are for sissys; is a pro at dominos; and has an interest in watching underground sports.  She's currently exploring Africa, and has befriended an elephant named Hotuk.

She requested I refrain from disclosing anything incriminating, of which I assured her I would.

As a side note, the above image of Maggie Mae underwent a lot of transformation.  I intended her to be an image onto herself, but a backdrop insisted on coming into play ... As is usual when creativity is afoot, all components came together organically "on their own," including her story ... I was simply the tool by which creativity flowed ... Ahhh to that rush  ♥

And with an entire weekend left to my own devices, I visited a bookstore and got my message on Page 56 ( sorry, Laura -- I was too impatient to wait ;) ).  It was from Miss Tallulah Bankhead who said "Whatever you do, it has to be done with authority.  Then everyone will believe you."  Hmmmm? Which just begs the question, how does anyone do anything with authority?  What does that mean? lol =)

As is

Name today: Spaghetti

Aha-phrodisiacs:

For Dotty Day, use dots as a trigger for your art.  Make large dots and fill them in with favorite quotes or see how adding dots can add interest or whimsy to a piece or a collage. 

A Dose of Mirth:  "A line is a dot that went for a walk." ~ Paul Klee

While working on the "dotty" image above, I was watching an old Star Trek episode where they took shore leave on this planet and everything they thought about instantly manifested.  It made me think of today's "Law of Attraction" philosophy.

Personal reflection

Referring to an old adage, "What we resist persists." and reading "When you simply look at a situation, see it as it is, and stop wishing it were different, the situation loses its dominating power over you."

In keeping with that, I accept my life just as it is: perfectly imperfect; driven to create only when the impulse and time allows; accepting that what results simply is and move on.

"When things go wrong, don't go with them." ~ Elvis Presley

Name Today:  Ballerina

Today I get to: Breathe and catch up on chores

Aha-phrodisiac:

Water can be therapeutic in so many ways.  Climb inside a tub of nurturing warm water ...

Toast of the Day:  "Here's to the smell of a soothing bath salt."

Received Notice of Final Judgment ...
Found out where Bri was moved ...
Noting cumulative consequences of a lifetime of hasty choices and chaotic passions ...
Will I improve myself as a human and work daily to minimize my vices? ...

Poetry is a packsack of invisible keepsakes. ~ Carl Sandburg

Name Today: Nina

Of Interesting Note: It's National Be On-Purpose Month!

Toast of the Day: "Here's to reading something you really like and realizing you wrote it."

(Model: Laura, my muse)

A Muse I Do Summon

Too focused to wither, to let it all fall,
A muse I do summon, to answer the call.

Imbue me with textures and tasty delights,
Help it flow freely, the wave of insights.

A map I do have, to show me the way,
Resistance tugs; I shall keep it at bay.

Courage and discipline, I traverse alone,
Help target from whence inspiration doth shone.

The hierarchy of helpers, I do so implore,
Effortless prose, shall now come to the fore.

So shall it be!

~ Lita

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Me in a past life)

Dance for Yourself

From the depths of the Earth to the core of our being
the pulse of life beats, a rhythm unceasing.

Sounds take on shape with design and style
forming patterns and motifs, enough to beguile.

With circles and lines, sways and curves
zigzags galore, textures and swerves.

Movement emerges, like a wave from the ocean
a dance they call it, all action and motion.

Diverse and varied, dance does come
fulfilling needs in any spectrum.

From expression and healing, to birthing and fun
exercise, fertility ... mostly celebration.

Too many to name, but many to favor
Belly Dance is one I especially savor.

With flutters and shimmies done loosely or tight,
undulations and accents, an amazing sight.

With women dancing for women is how it began
to entertain and party, not seduce a man.

Keeping it sensual, not sexual, we continue to strive
it takes commitment, skill and plenty of drive.

With varied styles based upon region,
blending them wisely creates a nice fusion.

With colorful costumes of coins and beading
the dance may look simple.  This is misleading.

It takes muscle control to master isolations.
This art requires energy and a lot of patience.

Regardless of age, shape, creed or race,
Belly Dance can be done by anyone with grace.

Hired for parties, weddings and special events
paid gigs and shows are not always incumbent.

A thing to remember in any case

is dance for yourself first and the rest falls into place.

~ Lita

Yesterday was spent working out, catching up on E-mails and rest ... so I'll revisit yesterday's exercise this time next year ☺

Due to my busy-ness, I had to keep today's post simple, and figured there was no better time to get maximum picture mileage. 

♥

Rising above

Name today:  Dorothy

(Model:  Me ☺ ... Thanks to Shadowed Light Waves for the background pic)

Today's image was inspired by today's exercise about lack of gravity.  Of course, if there truly was no gravity, my hair and dress would be facing every which way ...

One thing I can say about these exercises is I'm finally starting to process pictures that have been begging for attention.

Aha-phrodisiac:  Write about a day without gravity.

No one would have to worry about how much they weigh ... a scale would refreshingly have no meaning.

Most modes of transportation would be rendered useless.

Tethering ourselves to people and things we love would be useful.

Everyone could take a break from having to brush their hair.

Jumping off of a high cliff or building would be a viable option.

We could "fly" among each other, among animals ... both vicious and friendly.

Trying to "right" ourselves could prove difficult.

If desired, one can literally run in place.