Silence does not feel the same as aloneness. The latter triggers painful associations. Right now, after a fun outing with Laura, I am left with what I felt before her visit: a stark feeling of aloneness, a void, a perceived cause for panic. These feelings are reactionary to my biggest fear: feelings of abandonment. I know in my heart I am not abandoned, but my inner child must be convinced as well.
Laura and I went furniture shopping today. Here are a couple of bargain bar stools she helped bring back to my place:
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Here is a picture taken of me at my desk while I worked at PMH:
This week was a biggie for me!!! Concurrently, I moved into a new place in unfamiliar territory AND started a new job. I'm in the process of making both of them truly my own. But first I have to learn the dance and accustom myself to the rhythm.
Here is a glimpse of the interior of my new place. You can see my patio which overlooks a tree and lake in the back:
Here is a picture taken of me at my desk while I worked at PMH:
This week was a biggie for me!!! Concurrently, I moved into a new place in unfamiliar territory AND started a new job. I'm in the process of making both of them truly my own. But first I have to learn the dance and accustom myself to the rhythm.
Here is a glimpse of the interior of my new place. You can see my patio which overlooks a tree and lake in the back:
Complicated thoughts and feelings confound me. Fortunately, the blow from this week's jolting changes have been softened by nightly watchings of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's soothing to surround myself with familiar "friends".
My compass is pointed toward dwelling in harmony, beauty and peace of mind. I came across a quote from James Allen I liked: "Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom." I know experience breeds wisdom and for now, I hope the remaining chapters of my life will exclusively encompass harmonious experiences bathed in love, joy, health, prosperity, serenity, security, humor, simplicity and authenticity.
I am so used to thinking of how to structure my life around others, which is hard to do when there are no others. It seems the structure must now be directed toward the only architect on this site: me. As liberating as some would find that, I find it overwhelming at present, almost suffocating. Having all this time on my hands ... time for self-indulgence, I suppose. Wise use would consist of being healthy, positive, creative, productive. Yes.
A pact was made between Laura and I to spend most of our Saturdays being creatively fruitful. I look forward to her expertise as she guides my artist within to work on canvas, play with paint, and become uninhibited and free with creative expression, akin to dancing I suppose ...
WORKOUT/DIET: The drastic alterations this week have affected the consistency and intensity of my workouts. My diet has comprised of Jamba Juice, Isagenix shakes and chocolate. Once I set foot in a grocery store, I anticipate my palate will be more varied.
My compass is pointed toward dwelling in harmony, beauty and peace of mind. I came across a quote from James Allen I liked: "Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom." I know experience breeds wisdom and for now, I hope the remaining chapters of my life will exclusively encompass harmonious experiences bathed in love, joy, health, prosperity, serenity, security, humor, simplicity and authenticity.
I am so used to thinking of how to structure my life around others, which is hard to do when there are no others. It seems the structure must now be directed toward the only architect on this site: me. As liberating as some would find that, I find it overwhelming at present, almost suffocating. Having all this time on my hands ... time for self-indulgence, I suppose. Wise use would consist of being healthy, positive, creative, productive. Yes.
A pact was made between Laura and I to spend most of our Saturdays being creatively fruitful. I look forward to her expertise as she guides my artist within to work on canvas, play with paint, and become uninhibited and free with creative expression, akin to dancing I suppose ...
WORKOUT/DIET: The drastic alterations this week have affected the consistency and intensity of my workouts. My diet has comprised of Jamba Juice, Isagenix shakes and chocolate. Once I set foot in a grocery store, I anticipate my palate will be more varied.
Wonderful entry Lita! I know you will be a great architect of your life! Excited about our creative Saturdays, and by the way...those bar stools are awesome! :)
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