Cup is Half Full

Life is hard ... Yup.

It took all I had to drag myself in this morning after a 3-day weekend of nature and fun. This weekend served as a temporary diversion, albeit a worthy one ... and now, I’m back to reality. It’s times like this I like to seek refuge in the realm of dreams. Not only did I have to face the work waiting for me on my desk, but I was told a good friend was fired. I stood in shock, at her desk for a spell. I remember how it was once filled with her essence, and now it’s cold and empty. I’m sick and tired of voids. I am.

I miss being a kid, where no one questioned spontaneity or playing pretend. I miss the days where I would become a princess just by dressing as one.

I want to go back to seeing everything from a child’s perspective. To believe the best in people .... to see everyday as an opportunity for creativity and play.

While in traffic this AM, I pulled out my photography manual, and it made me smile. I realize there is so much room for learning and growth ... much to look forward to. Many of the newbies this weekend, including myself, kept our settings mostly on automatic. We experimented with manual and aperture settings, but when we didn’t want to miss out on a potentially good shot, we’d flip back to automatic. I want to reach a point where I know my camera like the back of my hand -- to where when I see certain light and movement conditions, I’ll know my camera’s optimum option for that scene, instead of fumbling around in panic as my subject flies off.

Our host has taken amazing wildlife shots, but the only ones that seem to sell are the ones that he turned "artsy" via Photoshop. His rationale is that most people have digital cameras now, so they find no reason to pay for something they feel they themselves could do. I saw some of the pictures he sold that were edited with Photoshop, and they were impressive.

The girl with the D300 shared that her photography teacher advised her to stop taking pictures of just a bird, or just a flower. I asked her to clarify because if birds and flowers turned her on, why would he try to sway her to subjects that didn’t speak to her. She clarified by giving examples and it stuck with me. An example was instead of taking a picture of just a flower, to take a picture of a flower with a bee on it. Instead of taking a picture of just an animal, take a picture of its eye.

Also of note was that the seasoned photographers kept advising me to take action shots of wildlife and not to be attached to static posing-like pictures. There’s a story this way – it gives it life. Now that I see what they mean, I agree.

Our host advised that the best way to go in the way of tripods is to get one in 3 parts: legs, a platform that attaches to the camera, and a ball bearing head that connects the two. The ball bearing head offers maximum movement, and allows for quick and easy detachment by a switch of a lever. He said the significance of having an easy detachment would be for those times sudden and spontaneous action occurs behind you that you may want to capture shots of. This runs from $200 on up, depending on the weight of the camera and any attachments.

People were going on and on about accessories such as the various lenses and filters. They were commenting on the sums of money required for this passion and many said they had some luck with E-bay, but to make sure the prospective vendor has at least 100 hits and stellar testimonials. I’m thinking in terms of abundance ... I attract abundance to me.

I will consider this my writing for the day ... I’ve already deviated from raw food by eating 2 chocolate covered cookies (for comfort) ... I plan to exercise tonight.

I feel heavy ... I will work now and focus on the positives.

Photography Jargon

I have decompressed and feel as though I've been “reset.”

During the week, I knew I had an upcoming trip to Sanibel Island. At first, I was excited. But as time drew near, I became a prisoner of worry. I worried about incidentals, especially loquacious people. But it all worked out, because I became one such person, LOL … and because the topic stayed on photography. I found myself uttering words like aperture, ISO, shutter speed, EV compensation, histogram, metering mode, white balance, etc. I felt like I was practicing a new language; one that I’m grasping more of each day.

I had a rough first day with the lack of a roll-out bed, bunking with an unplanned roommie who snored, and then inadvertently deleting over 100 something pictures >EXPLETIVE!< ... But the thought of waking up to a new day with new opportunities kept my chin up.

Of the shots I accidentally deleted, the only shots I was not able to make up for were of the dolphin. And I know -- I just know they would have turned out dreamy >sigh< … but I suppose there’s always a next time.

Anyway, my objective for the trip was to get shots of the Roseate Spoonbill and of a sunset … I came home with one of the two, so mission not fully accomplished ... I, and others who hankered for the sunset shot, were cheated, as the clouds would not budge and the skies remained overcast. We were a spectacle, with our tripods and cameras lined up, waiting for Mother Nature to have mercy. We waited in denial for some time for the sun to break through. When the moon made its appearance and reality set in, our long faces traipsed through the damp, sandy beach in silent disappointment as we made our way back to the hotel. In retrospect, that whole ordeal makes me laugh, because we got so serious. Anyway, I shall never take a sunrise or sunset for granted again.

Throughout the weekend, we were looking for opportunities for the next best shot. We drove about with purpose to various destinations and climbed through thickets and mangroves to get just a little bit closer to wildlife. Our actions reminded me of the tornado chasers. It was hilarious. At one point, we were in the parking lot of a Dairy Queen with binoculars in hand, looking for the Bald Eagles’ nest that we were tipped off about. Unfortunately, the nest was deeply embedded in the woods and too high for a shot of quality.

Our bunch was a good mix of neophytes and pros. It was great to share stories of camera mishaps and to learn from the more experienced, who generously offered their knowledge.

It was amusing witnessing reactions of the Nikon versus Canon people. It was like, who’s team are you on?

Of the bunch, most carried Canons. Many had Rebel XTI’s. Each loved them wholeheartedly. Our guide had a Mark II, which is excellent for wildlife since it shoots 8.5 frames per second. Our host had a D5, which I understand is also amazing, but since it’s slower, it’s more for landscape shots.

Most of the Nikon “team” carried D70’s. D80’s came in second. I only came across one person who had the renown D300. I hear they’re excellent because of their full frame sensors and noiseless shots, but when I spoke with the D300 owner, she was unhappy with it for the sole reason of it being digital. I guess she’s a hardcore film person. Actually, there were many hardcore film people who reluctantly accepted the digital wave.

Lens. It’s all about the lens --- especially of the telephoto variety. Most sported 300 millimeters. But the ultimate way to go, without expending exorbitant amounts, is to get extenders that you could actually double up on. Theoretically, depending on the extenders, you could increase the range up to 1100 millimeters. However, with each add, it affects the f-stops, as they become reduced with each extender.

The contrast between the feel of the islands versus the mainland is amazing, and even more so from the west coast to the east. I won’t deem it bad, just jolting. … I started to get anxiety. I may have to decompress again shortly, LOL.

I was going to upload my photos to Flickr tonight, but forget it now; it will have to wait. What I will do tonight is post my Roseate Spoonbill …

As far as my other goals are concerned:

I’ve been eating nothing but raw food with one exception. For lunch today, I had a small slice of orange crunch cake that came highly recommended by the Bubble Room waitress. She was quite persuasive. The Bubble Room is a restaurant on the island of Captiva and has a Disney feel to it. It was too cute.

I haven’t made the time to write since I’ve been in photography mode.

I’ve been consistently exercising.

And that’s it.

Hooked on Youtube

Today would have been the big day; and although it saddens me that it’s put off yet again, I will continue to remain hopeful.

My mood, despite same and despite my lack of sleep, is decent. It got better once I spoke with a fellow photographer about this weekend’s trip. I’m sooooooo excited. This is a perfect diversion. I know I’m going to learn so much from the "big guys." My camera will certainly pale in comparison to those around me, but hey, a girl can dream and develop a wish list :).

This week, I will focus more on photography than writing since it’s a priority.

My horoscope says "Certainly you are ready for a greater spiritual understanding of the world now. ‘You need to experience more than the superficial banality of life that many people become mired in' [nicely put, lol]. Although you are inclined to idealize the world in general and certain persons in particular, in the long run you will find that this is not a delusion but a period of truly expanding knowledge." — interesting ...

Today, I went for:
3 persimmons
huge plateful of watermelon
banana
Isalean shake
3 small cookies
sashimi

No exercise tonight; but I must not skip meditation.

Nature's Allure

I took lots of pictures today, including the scarlet skimmer dragonfly above. My camera has become like a best friend ... like an appendage. Photography, especially nature photography, is an addiction, one that I can’t seem to get enough of …

I was feeling out of sorts today … neurotic. Toxic thoughts seem to seep in on occasion -- like today, and I feel so assaulted. I forget to breathe and forget that I have the power to change my thoughts. It’s paramount that I surround myself with beauty, as it plays a role toward a healthy mindset and has a pleasant domino effect. Beautiful surroundings, sounds, textures … everything that’s genuine. I think that’s why nature calls to me so. I was outside for awhile taking photos, and I experienced a sense of oneness and peace that I can get no other way.

I'm not a fan of small talk and superficial conversations. I prefer discussions of dreams and passions. Everything else feels like fluff. Having to endure small talk is still a challenge for me. I guess it can be foreplay toward deeper conversations. I prefer intimate conversations … soul bearing conversations. After that, companionable silence is just as golden.

I guess there’s so much fluff that already goes on in my head internally …

I just did a one hour work out. Getting physical also helps me achieve a serene mind. I think part of it is because I’ve earned the chance to relax. Sometimes I make myself crazy with the drive to always want to accomplish something. I feel like I’m cheating myself out of something crucial when a day goes by that I didn’t accomplishing at least one thing.

I discovered Youtube last night and “wow;” it has become my new evening companion.

Today, my intake was pretty simple:

2 fruit smoothies
3 raw organic fruit bars
1 shake

I'm going to spend the rest of the night cropping and editing some of today's shots and Youtube-ing it.

Here's Styx's Renegade --- there's something seductive about the badness of this song ... it's the yang of the yin/yang balance, I guess. May the legacy of Styx live on!

On Track

I hiked 4 miles, took a ton of photos (the sea gull on top included) and ate all raw food today.

I just got done meditating and writing in the A book. It took several songs of carefree dancing and a meditation session to get myself into writing mode. My resistance has been overwhelmingly great. Sometimes "just doing it" feels easier said than done.

Today was the first time I meditated using the technique A taught me. I loved the effects, despite the interruptions from my 4-legged friend.

Today, I ate:

• organic banana balls (bananas, medjool dates, walnuts, almonds, raisings, spices)
• Organic Sesame Nori Crackers (sprouted almonds, sprouted sunflower seeds, sesame, lemon juice, herbs, basil, garlic, Celtic sea salt, untoasted organic nori seaweed)
• 2 fruit smoothies (strawberries, papayas, bananas, coconut milk)
• 2 organic raw food bars

I bathe in the feelings of self-accomplishment. I will conclude the day with a session of body brushing and self-loving.

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Today's Daily Motivator is noteworthy:

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Make it real

The problems seem so big and imposing because you focus on them so intently and see them so clearly. Imagine looking at some of your best positive possibilities with the same intensity and level of focus.

The past seems so real because you know so much about it, and as a result it commands much of your attention. Consider what would happen if you could put your full, undivided attention on the valuable and creative things you're now able to do in the present.

Whatever you focus upon grows more and more influential in your life. Because the things you focus upon are the things you act upon, and every action has real consequences.

Your life is what you choose to make it, and the time to choose is right now. What you do with the moment at hand is more important, by orders of magnitude, than any past disappointments or present difficulties.

This is the day for you to make a difference. This is your moment to transform nagging problems into magnificent opportunities.

You are able, right now, to choose any thought, any action, and any path. This time, you can choose the very best and truly make it real.

-- Ralph Marston

Nostalgia

For lunch, I had a pomegranate paradise smoothie, followed by an avocado. For dinner, I had a mamey fruit pie followed by an organic raw food bar. I took pictures at the park, and put them into a collage. I got to pet the horses … and they didn’t bite :) I wonder if I should bring apples for next time ...

While there, I met a kindred spirit by the name of Erika (see pic). She’s an older lady from Switzerland, and my experience with her was like opening a surprise gift. A gift I apparently needed. It felt good to know I’m not alone in my adventuresome spirit. She’s an adventurer at heart and tends to wilt when subjected to the same old grind, in the same old scene. We shared similar philosophies. Some of the things we discussed were about simplifying our lives and not having our possessions possess us. She raised all three of her children, inspiring instant autonomy. Her words: "I gave birth to them, but I felt like they weren’t ‘mine’ in the sense of owning them. They each had the freedom to make their own choices, choosing what was best for them." She said that’s how she was raised. She said in Switzerland, things are clean and organized and that the salary there pays more than here.

I worked out to a classic rock station, and the hour went by quick … That station brought on such nostalgia. So many lyrics I never used to pay attention to, until years later. I loved hearing Aerosmith’s Dream On … Eddie Money’s Hold On … Joe Walsh Life’s been Good … Kansas’ Carry on Wayward Son …

Look, Fleetwood Mac, and Heart. Aaaahh :)

So many songs back then truly, truly rocked! It makes me feel my age. I’m hearing more good songs, and this old ass is gonna’ rock the night away now!!!

I lift My Eyes

I’m drinking my warm, cinnamon apple spice tea, wondering about all the gifts this day will hold for me.

My eyes itch and are watery. Cold symptoms, including physical weakness linger. Yesterday, I felt so bad I almost left work early. To "reward" myself for staying, I ate cookies coated in chocolate. Afterward, I felt bad and guilty because the effects of the refined sugar were immediate and didn’t help any prior cleansing attempts, but I tried not to think about it. I should’ve just rewarded myself with leaving early like I wanted, followed by TLC.

Another missed writer’s group meeting enabled to me to rest and find solace watching the season premier of Lost. I was so glued to the tube, which is so not me. But I guess I am when it comes to this show. It is the only time I find myself really looking forward to a night in front of the television. Well that’s not true, Ghost Whisperer comes in at a close second.

This cold has so kicked my ass and gotten me off routine. I will feel much better once I can get myself into a steady regimen of:

• meditating


• exercising


• photographing


• writing


• body brushing


• cleaning

I’m starting to get antsy because I have not been able to exercise, but I’m trying to listen to my body. Maybe if I did some light stretching or an easy yoga tape. Nah; that’s not me. I’m such an extremist sometimes. Knowing me, I’ll dive into an hour long, hardcore exercise.

It’s so sunny outside and it should reach a warm 80 degrees today. I am truly a child of the sun, as I love it so ... I brought my camera with me so I could take pictures in the park at lunch. I’ve been studying my photography book, but I don’t think any of it will really sink in until I get to do everything hands on.

For breakfast I had 3 persimmons, followed by a plateful of watermelon. Mmmmm. It feels good to eat "whole" foods, that have their life force fully intact. I’ll probably go to Jamba Juice later.

I’ve been listening to Olivia Newton-John lately; she so inspires me on many different levels. Her latest album, Grace and Gratitude, is so spiritual. I love it. She’s been my lifelong idol. I adored her back in the days when she sang "Have you Never Been Mellow." This was way before she became popular in Grease. I used to sit between the speakers, memorizing her album covers as I sang along with her to some perceived love at the sketchy age of 9 or 10.

I lift my eyes to the sun ... to love ... to yummy colors ... to smiles ... to laughter.

I must get to work now, but will try to write more later.